Cooking For My Twins

Pinto Beans

2010-12-31T20:02:00.000-08:00

We like eating beans fairly regularly here, but eating the same thing over and over again can get a bit boring, especially if the only beans out of a can that you like by themselves are Ranch Style Beans (that would be an Amanda preference and not an entire family preference). I like pinto beans, but not from a can. I've been working over the last few weeks on a pinto bean recipe that I really liked and I think this one is pretty darned good.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp olive oil (because, really, what else are you going to use?)
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 cups pinto beans, rinsed and picked over
1 tsp cumin
2 tsp oregano
3 cups chicken broth
2 tsp dehydrated onions (because they were in the pantry, not absolutely necessary)
3-5 cups of water, added as needed

Heat a dutch oven over medium heat. Pour in the olive oil. Add in the garlic once the olive oil is hot and heat until fragrant. Add in the pinto beans, cumin, oregano, chicken broth, and dehydrated onions. Bring to a boil and then lower heat until beans are simmering. Stir every 20-30 minutes, adding water as needed. Total cook time is 2 hours to 2 1/2 hours.

Enjoy!

Brisket

2010-12-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite meals that my mom used to make was brisket made in the crockpot. There's nothing quite like walking into a house warm with the fragrance of something good to eat waiting for you. I begged my mom for her recipe and it couldn't be easier. There are two hard and fast rules for making brisket like my mom's. First, the meat is labelled "brisket" on the label. Second, the barbeque sauce has to be dark. I used KC Masterpiece this time. That really is steam coming off of the plate. I just took a picture of my plate before I started eating so I could put it on the blog because I really thought I'd need to make brisket more than once before I posted it, but the brisket really is that easy to make.

Ingredients:

Brisket, mine was 4 pounds
1 bottle of dark barbeque sauce
1 cup water

Trim as much fat off of the brisket as you can. If there's a sweet yellow dog at your house, microwave the fat and trimmings and pour them over the dog food still in his bowl. He will love you and stay out from under your feet while you're finishing up the brisket, not that it's going to take you much longer anyway. Pour about 1/2 cup of barbeque sauce in the bottom of the crockpot (use a crockpot that's appropriately sized for your brisket). Put your trimmed brisket directly into the crockpot (no, you don't need to brown the brisket first) and add in up to 1 cup of water. You don't want the brisket swimming in sauce, but just shy of that point. Cook on high in the crockpot for about 8 hours. Slice and enjoy as is or in a hamburger bun.

Roasted Asparagus

2010-12-31T13:23:00.000-08:00

We went to my Aunt's house for Christmas this year. Ed and I even took his parents. Everyone is able to get along for at least a couple of hours, so it worked out pretty well. My Aunt had a tenderloin smoked (which was delicious) and I did a mushroom dish from someone else's blog (I can't remember which one as I'm typing and am still not talented enough to link another website within a post). I also made roasted asparagus, which if you haven't tried, you definitely should.

Roasting asparagus is just about like roasting any other vegetable. Asparagus comes bound by two large rubber bands. All of the magazines I've read say to break the asparagus stalks, one by one, where they will easily break and then peel any other hard parts off with a vegetable peeler. I love my family very much, but I needed to get my makeup on so we could get out the door. I cut those bad boys all at once just above the lower rubber band. You'll get tender asparagus every time you do that. I throw the ends in my compost pile. (Hahahaha!! That would be a spot right outside my side door that grows monkey grass and I'm never going to do anything else with it. I think the earthworms feeding off of it must be 9 feet long though..) Arrange the asparagus prettily in a dish, splash with some extra virgin olive oil, sprinkle with sea salt and pepper. Lie to your mother about the amount of salt you put on the asparagus. Bake it at 400-450F, depending on what else has to go into the oven with the asparagus, for about 20-30 minutes. The tips will be just the slightest bit crunchy if you cook it just right and they'll burn up if you do it longer. Be at the first of the line if you actually want to eat any of it.

I'm moving!

2010-12-28T19:56:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago, I decided that my blogging had become schizophrenic and it didn't really feel like a blog entitled "Cooking for my Twins" could support my mommy blogging tendencies or my foul mouth. :) I've started another blog that will mostly be my mommy blog. www.adventuresfromamandaland.com

Ed says it sounds like a porn site and I assure you, it's not.

Christmas win

2010-12-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

When I was five or six years old, my father produced not one but two huge boxes wrapped on gorgeous Christmas paper for my mother. I remember being so excited for my mother, fantasizing about all of the wonderful things that could be in those boxes. I *may* have caressed said boxes. Christmas morning came and my mother opened those boxes and it was a vacuum cleaner. I was pissed. I had imagined furs and jewels and all kinds of fantastic things awaiting my excited mother in those boxes. Not a vacuum cleaner. I'm getting mad right now just thinking about those boxes. My mother probably knew what her present was. I don't remember her being indignant, or even moderately irritated.

Fast forward to seven years ago. I'm married to a wonderful man and he routinely goes all out to make my Christmas wonderful. His family tradition involved making sure his mother opened enough gifts at Christmas that the cats and dogs didn't feel compelled the next year to all give her Christmas gifts in addition to what my husband and father in law gave her. Fortunately, they feared what the cats and dogs would do if I didn't get enough packages to open. So, Christmas morning seven years ago, I'm opening my presents and the husband and father in law had obviously done a large part of their shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond. One of my many presents that day was a hand held vacuum cleaner.

I didn't say anything about it to Ed that day. Or that week. I did go to work and bitch about how Ed had inadvertently been a little unsympathetic. I may or may not have used stronger words. I never said anything to Ed about the vacuum cleaner, but my coworkers sure did. He was caught off guard as I'd never told him about the vacuum cleaner my mother received.

Three years ago for Christmas, Ed gave me a motorized bathroom cleaning device and a six pack of toilet paper. There was some jewelry hidden in there. But still, a motorized bathroom scrubber?!?!?!?!?!?! For my birthday this year, he gave me a heated mop. I don't even clean my own house. I write out the check once a week! Fortunately for his life, he does hide something nice in with the cleaning supplies.

This year, there were no cleaning supplies. This year, Ed watched me when we were out shopping together to see what I liked but wouldn't buy for myself.

Did you give or get any bad gifts? Or any really good gifts?

Boys at Christmas, II

2010-12-22T17:55:00.000-08:00

Last night, my computer hated me and wouldn't let me post the pictures of that other kid who lives at my house and in the room of the obviously favored kid whose pictures were posted yesterday.

It's genetic. Whenever there's a camera close by, my eyes close. Naturally, this happens to an evil munchkin too.

If you can't pick your nose in a picture, what good is a camera?

Why shouldn't your fingers go into your mouth after they've been in your nose?

Boys at Christmas

2010-12-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

I told the boys that I needed to take some pictures of them for a present for one of my many aunts today and, naturally, they objected to having their picture taken. I asked them how they would like to have their picture taken and Trip said, "with crazy faces," and Logan said, "in the dirt." It was early in the day and I had yet to turn into a crappy monster mother, so I said, "let's go."

Practice picture. Still cute.

Having fun.

Very obviously my child.

Still my kid.

Drumrolllll,.......My kid is really named Damien. It's because my mother watched Rosemary's Baby way too many times when I was a kid. You're welcome, Mom, for the devil grandkid.

Appetizer Thingies

2010-12-18T21:35:00.000-08:00

We had some dear friends over the other night and I made these delicious little appetizers. I didn't do a great job naming them though, so if one screams out to you, leave it in the comments.

Ingredients:

1 can of cresent rolls
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp apricot preserves
1/4-1/2 cup of crumbled blue cheese
2 slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled

Heat oven to 350F. Spray a baking pan with cooking spray. Spread out the cresent roll in one solid sheet on the cookie sheet. (Spread it out in the middle cookie sheet so you can cut the whole thing after it finishes cooking. Sadly, I didn't think about this.) Press the perforations together to seal. Microwave the butter and preserves for 20-30 seconds. Stir to get the butter and preserves mixed well. Spread evenly over the cresent roll. Top with the blue cheese and then the bacon. Bake for 11-13 minutes, or according to the directions on the cresent roll package. Cut into 15 pieces and enjoy.

The first Christmas party

2010-12-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

We had our big family Christmas dinner at my Aunt's house tonight. Her house looked like a winter candyland. She had a gingerbread man Christmas tree in her kitchen that was adorable!

We celebrated Christmas on a Saturday this year, so there was no Cowboys game for entertainment. My aunt and uncle set up a ping pong table so that everyone could have something fun to do and a reason to yell. Mom went nuts playing one of my many aunts!

Four of my beautiful and crazy aunts!

We had a great time together.

What are you going to do for Christmas?

Chili Dip

2010-12-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

My in-laws throw an awesome Christmas party every year on the 23rd (Eve Eve!), and every year, my mother-in-law makes this amazing chili dip. There are never any leftovers which irritates Ed to no end. We make this chili dip a couple of times throughout the year to make my sweetheart happy :) Don't worry. He doesn't read the blog and will never see that last phrase, the turd. This chili dip has the perfect consistency for dipping with Frito's or topping for a chili dog.

The line up:

2 lbs ground sirloin
2-3 packages of Williams chili chipotle mix
1 clove minced garlic
1 15 oz can refried bean
1 15 oz can Rotel tomatoes with green chilies
2-3 tsp cumin
8-16 oz ketchup

Brown the sirloin and drain off the fat. Over medium heat, add in the williams chili mix, garlic, refried beans, rotel tomatoes, cumin, and ketchup. Stir well to incorporate all of the ingredients. Taste multiple times to see if the seasonings are right. Add more ketchup and/or chili mix until you get the seasonings right.

If you're making this for a party, cook the chili the day before and leave it in a crock pot on low during the party. Serve with Frito's and cheese.

Ohwa-tatur-diam, part deux

2010-12-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

I finally got to witness the magic taking place at the office with the animal crackers. The boys are more actively participating that I thought they were. Half the time that the animal crackers were "hidden," the boys could see them and were wrestling with Ed to get them back. Ed and his father teamed up against the boys, passing the 5 pound tub of animal crackers back and forth, chasing each other around the office, tackling, wrestling, generally running off energy. I did my best to not get run over while still being able to watch all of the action.

Ohwa-tatur-diam

2010-12-17T09:12:00.000-08:00

The boys go to Ed's office everyday after school. I keep snacks in the kitchen for them and they go get whatever is available when they get to the office. The last thing I bought for them was a gigantic tub of animal crackers from Sam's Club. Snack time is viewed by the boys as vital to their very existence. So naturally, Ed had to screw with them yesterday.

When the boys arrived at the office after school, Ed had hidden the animal crackers and told the boys that the animal crackers had been stolen by a magician. The boys would have to say special words to combat the magician's spell and make the animal crackers reappear. They would also have to go to their Granddad's office and yell the words as loud as they could because that would be the best place for the magic to work.

"What are the magic words, Daddy?" they asked.

Well boys, there are three words. The first word is Ohwa, the second word is tafar, and the third word is tiam. You have to yell them really fast and really loudly to make them work," said Big Daddy Awesome.

"Ok, Daddy," they said and then ran upstairs to their Granddad's office. (I'm assuming there were no clients in the office at the time or if there were, they would have laughed with Ed.)

The boys commence their yelling, " Ohwhatafartiam! Ohwhatafartiam! Ohwhatafartiam!"

They ran downstairs to ask their Daddy if their animal crackers had reappeared. Unfortunately, they hadn't. Ed told the boys that maybe they would need to try different words. Shockingly, Ed knew just which words they would need to use.

"I think you should try these words next. Apparently, the magician's magic was too strong. The first word is Ohwa, the second is tatur, and the third is diam. Yell them as fast and loud as you can again."

"Yeah, yeah, stronger words! Good plan, Daddy!" Off ran my very gullible children.

The voices of my children sailed loudly down the stairs for all to hear.

"Ohwhataturdiam! Ohwhataturdiam! Ohwhataturdiam!"

They ran downstairs to Ed again, asking if the animal crackers had reappeared. They had!

So basically, ed and I had children so we could make them do funny things and then laugh at them. This is parenting at it's best y'all!

I'm going to make you get divorced and I'm going to marry Mommy!

2010-12-14T11:44:00.000-08:00

Ed and the boys were playing last night. I'm not sure what I was doing. Laundry? Dishes? Working? Blogging? I'm not sure, but the wrestling turned into arguing, as it frequently does. (Children need to be taught how to argue effectively. We're teaching them valuable skills here.). When Logan finds himself on the losing side of an argument, he falls back on his tried and true retort, "You're fired, Daddy!"

Lately, the "firing" has proven ineffective, lost it's sheen for him.

Logan's new retort made Ed fall out of his chair because he was laughing so hard.

Logan said, "I'm going to make you get divorced from Mommy! And you're going to marry a new wife and live with her!"

After getting up from the floor and wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, Ed asked him who was going to marry Mommy and Logan said he was going to marry Mommy. (Awww, how sweet! There's that Oedipal complex in full swing!)

My question is this: Where did my kid learn about divorce? It had to have been at school because Ed and I aren't considering a divorce. We don't discuss it. It's really not an issue for us. We don't have close friends or family members who are going through a divorce. I don't mind that he's heard the term. It's not like you can shield your child from something that half of the population is doing. But whether he learned about divorce from television or school, he has a surprisingly clear understanding of the term and I know I didn't tell him about divorce. He just seems so young to know about it. I first learned about divorces when I was 8 and my parents got divorced.

When did you first learn about divorce? Have your children come home talking about divorce at a young age?

Boys, Growing Up

2010-12-12T22:19:00.000-08:00

I try hard to live in the "now," but I usually find myself looking forward to the future with the munchkins or missing how sweet and young they were in the past. I find myself now missing my sweet babies of the past. I love my boys so much, but I miss the babies they were. I suppose this is a natural reaction to the transition they are making, but dang it, I miss my babies!

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Logan chose his blankets when he was only a year old. Ed and I would put certain blankets into each boys' crib when they went down for the night and they would throw blankets back and forth to each other until they had the blankets they wanted. Logan called his "lue lankets." He looks at me like I'm crazy now when I tell him what he used to call his blankets. It's more like he can't believe he ever mispronounced anything. He still sleeps with the blankets, but he has stopped chewing up the ends of them.

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Trip was two years old before he ever found "his" blankets. They were the little 9"x9" blankets that had come with bigger baby blankets. (We had everything in pairs.) He saw the blankets at the office one day and then had to have them everywhere he went from then on out. Trip called them his "pocket bankets" and would cuddle with them as if they baby dolls. He grew out of the "pocket bankets" when he was around four years old, but did move on to another special blanket. His special blanket now is a king sized, gray blanket that was meant for my bed. (The little thief!)

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Logan's language has always been oddly clear. He's accepted most corrections to grammar and pronunciation well and incorporated it into his language seamlessly. There is one big exception though. He calls fingers "thingers." We've had long discussions about the spelling and pronunciation of "finger" and he knows how it's spelled and he keeps on calling them "thingers." I really hope he keeps calling them "thingers" because it reminds me that even with as big as he is, he's still a little bit of my baby.

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I know it's natural to miss the sweet babies your children used to be. I know it's natural to yearn for the young men your children will become. I hope that for this Christmas season, I can simply enjoy the people my children are now.

Ratatouille

2010-12-10T21:40:00.000-08:00

I love ratatouille and the boys will eat it after they've seen that little Disney rat making it! Yes, I do feel comfortable bribing my kids with movie time if it will get them to eat their vegetables.

Ingredients:

1 eggplant
1 bell pepper, I used red because I love the color
1-2 yellow squash
1-2 zucchini
1 tomato
1 6 oz can of tomato paste
1 16 oz can of tomato sauce
1 Tbsp oregano
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tsp salt
grated Parmesan cheese, to taste

Heat the oven to 350F.

Cut the eggplant, bell pepper, and tomato into 1/2 inch pieces. Cut the zucchini and yellow squash in half longways and then cut into 1/4 inch slices. Put all of the vegetables into a 9x13 dish.

Mix the tomato paste, tomato sauce, oregano, garlic, and salt in a bowl. Pour the tomato mixture over the vegetables and then stir it all up to get the sauce on all of the pieces of vegetable.

Bake for 30 minutes.

Top with Parmesan cheese.

Enjoy!

Jasmine Chicken

2010-12-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

You've got to eat something in December besides the Christmas feast right? I made this incredibly easy dish a few nights ago and the munchkins loved it. We had some friends over and they brought their very daring daughter with them. When she saw Trip dousing his food in Tabasco, she thought she should try Tabasco too. Her daddy put one tiny little drop on a bite of rice and her little face started turning red at her chin and the red went all the way up to her hair line! It was too cute! And I was glad that someone else at the table reacts the same way I do to Tabasco.

Incidentally, the name "Jasmine Chicken" has little to do with the dish. I stole this recipe from a girl at work. I'm a bit of an ass occasionally and I had a horrible time remembering her name. We started talking about our kids and how much her girls loved the movie Aladdin, and especially Jasmine, and my coworker became Jasmine.

Anyway, on to the recipe!

Ingredients:

2-4 chicken breasts, cut up into bite sized pieces (or whatever piece of chicken you have on hand)
1 can of peaches in heavy syrup
1 16 oz bottle of barbecue sauce
1 Tbsp chipotle chile powder

Heat the oven to 350F.

Put the chicken and peaches into a 9x13 dish.

Put the barbecue sauce into a bowl. Add in the chipotle powder and mix well. Pour the barbecue and chipotle sauce over the chicken.

Bake for 45 minutes.

Serve over rice.

And now, I have saved you from an assured 3 week starvation. Enjoy!

I saved a life yesterday

2010-12-05T11:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a strange day at work. It was Saturday, so the hospital was quiet, mostly because the ancillary departments get to take the weekend off. Intensive care units don't have that luxury. There are always sick people in need of care.

I had to give a patient blood yesterday, so I went down to the lab to get the blood. It was like I had stepped into an 80's horror flick hosted by Gilbert Gottfried. The lab was empty. Absolutely empty. I walked up and down the corridors of humming machines. The humming was interrupted by occasional beeps from the machines. I called out "Hello" only to be met by silence. I walked from one end of the lab to the other searching for someone, anyone, to give me the blood I needed for my patient. Finally, after what seemed like an eerie eternity, I found the lone person in the lab, who said all of the other people must have been called out for one reason or another. I got the blood and went on about my day.

My day was going fairly normally until after lunch, when one of my patients decided to take a turn for the worse. Obviously, I can't say what exactly happened to my patient, but I'm sure it happened in at least a few other places around the country. What I can say is that I saved a life yesterday and that if I hadn't had the help of all of my coworkers, my patient might not have lived.

I came home last night exhausted and emotionally spent, but I feel good today, knowing that I truly helped another person.

I think my blogging has become schizophrenic...

2010-12-02T19:35:00.000-08:00

When I started blogging, I really wasn't sure what kind of blogger I wanted to be. I thought I knew, hence the name Cooking for my Twins. However, as time has gone by, I've realized that my blogging has multiple personalities. I like to blog about my cooking, or burning of food, however my little family sees it. I like to blog about my kids, mostly so I remember all of the funny things my kids do, but many of my stories about my kids or family really don't belong on a blog about cooking.

Like this morning for instance:

I was getting the boys ready for school and Ed came downstairs to leave for work. Ed said something kind of funny/jokingly threatening to Trip.

Trip said, "If you do that I'm going to cut you!"

Ed replied, "If you cut me, we're going to have fricasseed yellow dog for dinner tonight."

Logan jumped in with, "Oh no we're not! We're going to have Annabelle steaks!"

(Annabelle is the bulldog who worships the ground Ed walks on and views me as the thief of her rightful place next to her man.)

I then declared it time to leave the house because we were late for school again.

The boys and I went out the door and Logan says to me and Trip, "We're going to have Midicow appetizers too."

(Midicow, who's real name is Penelope, is the black cat who feels the same way about me that Annabelle does.)

We all laughed, got into the car, and went on about our days.

See, it doesn't really fit into a cooking blog.

And then there's the side of me that really wants to blog about gross things that really wouldn't belong on a Mommy blog either, but I'm definitely not going to write any of those stories here. You're welcome.

So I'm going to be making some changes in the next few weeks. There may be a title change here, though I'm not really sure what it'll be. I'll make an announcement when I've made my decision.

Amanda/Mommy/Jokestress

Big Daddy Awesome's got skills

2010-12-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

Eleven years ago today, Big Daddy Awesome and I went out on our first date. That poor man. I've been torturing him for eleven whole years. He made me schnitzels and mashed potatoes. Actually, he made them on Monday. I was ecstatic to have them as leftovers tonight. (You work fourteen hours and see how picky you are when it comes to dinner.) I wanted to share his Mom's schnitzel recipe, but he wouldn't let me. He might not have any socks in the morning. That'll teach him to tell me no!

Parenting revelations

2010-11-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

I've just had a major parenting discovery. The discovery--boys basketball is the most awesome thing ever! The munchkins have just started playing and have now had a grand total of three practices. And the revelations are coming in!

Can they play basketball? Not really. They might be a little better prepared if we had ever played basketball with them. Or even watched a basketball game on television, but we haven't. That's ok though, because most of the other kids are on the same level.

So why is basketball awesome? Because it's climate controlled! And it comes with seating! And I'll actually be able to carry on a conversation without swatting bugs away!

I could wear high heels if I wanted to! I won't, but it's a possibility. It could rain and the game will still be played. My hair will not be a wind blown mess after the game is over! I'm so excited!

Logan is determined to make yet another sport into a full contact sport which won't be too bad when he finally gets to play against another team, but for now, he's content to wrestle with the biggest kid on the team for the ball. The entire team ended up on the floor and wrestling for the ball at least twelve times tonight. I think they spent more time on the floor than they did dribbling or shooting the ball. I have a feeling that all of the games will end up like that too.

All of the kids are 5 or 6 years old, so plenty of the kids will end up picking their noses and staring off in space instead of playing the game. I've been told that the scores will probably not get out of the single digit area for the whole season. All of the kids will still end up being exhausted after the games are over.

Basketball may be the greatest thing ever! At least until they are actually old enough to play football. I am a girl from Texas after all!

Family Game Night

2010-11-22T19:01:00.000-08:00

We were watching television over the weekend with the boys and a commercial came on touting the wonders of a family game night while surreptitiously advertising a game for said family game night at the same time. The boys then begged to have a family game night with whichever game the commercial was advertising. I told them I couldn't buy the game on the television, but I would teach them how to play chess. (Every year after Halloween, we tell the boys that Santa has sent out an email telling us to not buy anymore toys or games for them so that we don't buy something that he's already planned on getting for them. Shhh!!)

So that Saturday evening, I taught them the basics for playing chess. I learned to play chess when I was 8 and each of my brothers learned when they were 5, so I figured the boys were plenty old enough to learn. They enjoyed taking each others pieces and really enjoyed the quality time we spent together.

The next day, we walked over to their grandparents' house and demanded to take their new chess set!

Logan was so excited he put his hoodie on upside down!

Stuffed Mushrooms

2010-11-20T23:55:00.000-08:00

It should be obvious by now that I am not cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Most of the family actually likes the traditional Thanksgiving foods and since I have an extreme dislike for stuffing and candied yams, I have no intention of cooking them. I get nominated to make side dishes and desserts and appetizers.

The lineup:

8 oz mushrooms
6 strips of bacon, cut into small pieces
8 oz cream cheese

Preheat the oven to 350F.

Cook the bacon over medium heat until crispy. Remove to a paper towel lined plate to drain the excess fat.

While the bacon is cooking, remove the stems from the mushrooms.

Mix the cream cheese and bacon pieces together. Spoon about 2 tsp of the mixture into the mushrooms. Place into a 8x8 glass dish.

Bake for 30 minutes.

The Boys have been Busy

2010-11-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

I have vague recollections of coloring as a child, but I don't recall bringing home a huge amount of drawings or worksheets. Trip loves to draw and do all of the paperwork associated with each work station at school and he brings home a ton of paperwork every week. Logan usually decides to forgo the paperwork which I appreciate because I don't have to argue with my inner pack rat over whether or not to keep the papers. Most of the papers they bring home are math or language exercises. By they, obviously I mean Trip. I did recently win a huge argument with my inner pack rat and threw out all of the school papers that couldn't fit into their baby books! I have kept these drawings for the time being.

So one day a few weeks ago, Trip brings home three drawings. There was a flower for me with "Mama" on it, a butterfly which was almost finished for Logan, and another flower for "Ed" who happens to be known around here as "Daddy!"

Awww! My sweet baby!

This is just funny. I don't even call him Ed. When we asked Trip why he wrote "Ed," he said he just wanted to. Typical kid answer, I guess.

And he loves his brother!

Not to be upstaged, I think Logan spent more time on his one drawing than Trip did on all three of his.

Y'all, I'm clairvoyant

2010-11-16T21:17:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, when Mom was first planning her trip, we talked about what all she was going to do on this fantastic vacation. One of the things she had planned was a hike up Mount Sinai. As I laid down in bed that night, I had a powerful vision of her being pushed on the trail up the mountain by a small, older Asian woman. I freaked out! I called her immediately and told her about the vision.

Small disclaimer here: I do occasionally have visions, but they only concern my mother. If you were thinking about asking me to look into your future, I'm sorry. If you're not my Momma, it just won't work.

I've had visions about mom in the past that have come true. She's asked me to tell her about all of my visions so she can decide if she's going to change her plans accordingly. She decided, based on my vision, to not climb Mount Sinai.

I finally got to see mom tonight and she told me about all of the cool things she saw and did. It turns out that you can climb some of the pyramids. One of the first days of the trip, her whole group climbed up one of these pyramids. (I'm not a very good blogger because I forgot to ask her which pyramid they climbed.) Her group was going up the path the way the trail guides showed them to go. There were people all around going the wrong way up the path and climbing straight up. And a small Asian woman (mom said Japanese though I forgot to ask how she knew that) started pushing people out of the way and trying to force them off the path so her husband could take her picture from below. One woman in mom's group even got pushed all the way down and broke her finger! The armed guide with mom's group saw the commotion and walked over to mom and her friends and the pushy woman melded into the background.

Mom still didn't climb Mount Sinai.

And I am totally freaked out now by my psychic abilities. I'm concentrating on lottery numbers now. I'll let y'all know how that one goes!

My Evil Ass Mother was Messing with my Head

2010-11-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

My mother has just gotten back from a vacation. She was gone for more than two weeks. I'm just now mentioning it because I am a bit superstitious and wasn't really sure she'd be coming back alive. I just saw melodramatic flash through your mind. Stop that! I am not! Ok, fine, maybe I am. But only a little. But she does have a history of nearly dying on her vacation. (See the post from May called Family Road Trips-I have to figure out how to link here.)

So Mom went on a two week trip with her church group. They went to Cairo, Egypt, then Lebanon, then ended in Jerusalem, Israel. I had to talk her into going on the trip. She wasn't sure she even wanted to go. Then I started wondering who was going to watch my kids when she got pushed off of a mountain. It would be just like her to climb to the top of a pyramid and then have something crazy happen like a giant hawk swooping out of the sky and carrying her off to be used as food for the hawk's young. She's a small woman. It could happen! Can you even climb the pyramids?

I made certain demands of my mother before she went on this trip. I knew I wanted some kind of verification on a regular basis that she was alive. She refused to call because it would be very expensive. I talked her into texting occasionally since she has finally figured out how to text. She said she'd also email because one of the other women on the trip was going to do that.

The first text I got from her was:

Made it to new york city
mom

This text sounded exactly like her. I don't think she's figured out how to capitalize or use punctuation with her phone yet. So, no biggie here.

The next text was from Cairo.

Made it to cairo got an engraved neclace made for amanda mom

And then I got an email from my mother.

Amandaam
We are having fun. traveling with armed guard for security.
we are at st. caterines now.
Love, mom

At first, I read this email and thought, Mom is having a fantastic time. This is right up her alley!

Then I didn't get anything for a couple of days and started to freak out. I think I was fairly justified for freaking out for a couple of reasons. My mother misspelled my name. I have had this name for more than 30 years! She had to assert her authorita with my father and demand to name me Amanda. (I was almost named Cleopatra--the whole name, her choice.) And then, my mother is a court reporter. She's been a court reporter for almost 35 years! This is what she does for a living, day in and day out. She gets paid to type and use proper capitalizations and occasionally, proper punctuation and grammar. And with this email, she can't spell my name right or capitalize or use proper punctuation?? What the hell?

Then I started to compose an email to send her in my head that went like this:

Mother! This message is completely out of character for you! It's grammatically incorrect and the punctuation is missing and you haven't capitalized anything. And you spelled my name wrong. ME!! Your first born child!! Prove to me that you haven't been kidnapped by telling me how much you loved your last stepmother. If I don't get word from you soon, I'm calling the embassy. Your panicking daughter.

Then I told the husband about my planned email and my worries. He talked me out of sending the email. Told me I was being ludicrous, among other things. None of them were very flattering. Dammit. I think the nicest thing he called me was a drama queen.

So I had several large glasses of wine and calmed down a bit. Decided I could wait a couple of days for her next text or email.

It may have been a few bottles of wine, but they were bottles of Shiraz and ever so tasty.

Four interminable days later, she finally sent a text message.

Still in jordan madison fell off bus skined his arm mom

I have no idea who Madison is, but I know she went with a group of 30 or 40 people. The rest of the trip proceeded with the text messages. She and I are going to have some serious words when we finally talk about her attempts to scare the crap out of me when I see her tomorrow. She did get home today and was in bed by 7:15 p.m.

She didn't say a single word in her texts about any near fatal accidents, but she hasn't taken a trip in her life that didn't almost end with her death. I'll put up some pictures to when she sends me some.

The High Jacking

2010-11-14T22:18:00.000-08:00

My formal dining room has been taken over by Big Daddy Awesome and a friend of his. They've been playing a war game for weeks now. That's a plywood board on top of my table because my 8 person table is not big enough for their game! They spend hours every week playing this game. And obviously, Thanksgiving will not be at my house this year. I'm making a few things to take to my mom's house and later to his parents for Thanksgiving. I will be evicting them by December 1st. Christmas dinner will be in that room.

Even my crystal candle sticks have been high jacked!

But they are having a lot of fun. I guess that is the most important thing.

Awesome boys

2010-11-12T18:35:00.000-08:00

Tripper learned how to tie his shoes first and doesn't seem to remember my $10.00 bribe offer. It took longer for him to learn than I thought it would, but he's extremely proud right now. Logan finally figured it out last night and is equally proud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trip had a sucker yesterday and Ed was teasing him, trying to take away the sucker. Trip started chewing the sucker and Ed says, "You're eating that sucker wrong."

Trip says, "Mmmmm, it tastes like Daddy's tears!"

Score Trip 1 - Daddy 0.

Roasted Sweet Potatoes

2010-11-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

I am one of those weird people who have tons of food issues. One of the many intolerable foods for me is the traditional candied yams or sweet potatoes. Yuck! All of that brown sugar and marshmallow concoction completely ruins the sweet potatoes for me. This is the way I love sweet potatoes. Roasting the sweet potatoes gives the outer edge a little bite. The savory flavor is wonderful.

The line up:

1-2 lbs sweet potatoes
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
Lawry's seasoned salt
pepper

Preheat the oven to 400F.

Wash the sweet potatoes and cut off any bad spots. Cut the sweet potatoes into large chunks. Put the sweet potatoes in an appropriately sized dish. Drizzle with the extra virgin olive oil. Use enough that all of the sweet potatoes have a light coating of olive oil. You may need to stir the sweet potatoes a bit after you've drizzled them with olive oil to get them well coated. Sprinkle with Lawry's seasoned salt and pepper. Bake for 20-25 minutes.

Enjoy!

What are you making for Thanksgiving this year?

You CAN'T tackle Momma!

2010-11-10T20:33:00.000-08:00

These are my three guys, doing their nightly thing again. I just don't get it. It hurts to get tackled and yet, they do it every night. I'm waiting for the night they don't have the energy for all of this wrestling. Even if Big Daddy Awesome is not available to wrestle, the munchkins still wrestle with each other.

I do not remember wrestling this much as a child.

I wouldn't trade my three guys for anything. I'll take the bruises. Eventually they will hear me as I'm yelling, "You CAN'T tackle Momma!!"

Sausage balls

2010-11-07T17:17:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend, Lisa, brought over the most delicious sausage balls the other night and I begged her for the recipe because it was so good. She's awesome, so she gave it to me! Her secret was to add grated onion and jalapeno. Yum!

Ingredients:

16 oz spicy breakfast sausage
2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese
1 onion, grated
1 jalapeno, grated
2 cups of bisquick

Preheat the oven to 375F.

Put all of the ingredients into a mixer with the dough hook and mix it until it's a well incorporated dough. (There should be no dry bisquick at the bottom of the bowl.)

Form into balls and place on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for 25 minutes.

Swoon when you take your first bite.

Crepe Myrtles in the Fall

2010-11-06T22:06:00.000-07:00

Every fall, several crepe myrtles drop their pretty pink flowers onto the top of an old covered deck behind our house. I've always loved the way the flower petals looked atop the roof. I did perch myself precariously on a rocking chair to take this picture and managed to emerge unscathed! Now that I'm freezing cold (Ok fine, it's getting down into the 40's at night), I love this picture and yearn for the warm fall evenings we spent on the porch.

And I'm really, really cold. One day it was pleasant and I had the air conditioning off and the next, I'm freezing my tail off and wearing sweat pants inside my house. I was not ready for this!!

Palmiers

2010-11-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

These are delicious! I first saw a picture in a cookbook which had a recipe that contained things like flour and baking soda and the list just kept going on and on! I'm never going to do that! That's too much work. These however, are incredibly easy!

The ingredients:

1- package of puff pastry
1- 7 oz container of pesto
Sprinkle of salt

That's it. Really.

About an hour before you plan on cooking these delicacies, take the puff pastry out of the freezer and set it on the counter.

Turn the oven on to bake at 400F.

Open up the puff pastry completely, then spread half of the container of pesto (about 1/2 cup) evenly over the puff pastry. Sprinkle a light dusting of salt over the whole thing. This is the best time to use the salt, otherwise the salt won't properly meld with the pesto. You don't want to taste the salt, you just want a tiny bit of salt so that the flavors of the palmier pop.

Start rolling the puff pastry up at either end to meet in the middle.

Cut the rolls into slices and place on a cookie sheet that has been sprayed with cooking spray. Bake for 16-18 minutes.

Don't use parchment paper. It's just a pain in the butt. And you'll still have to clean the cookie sheets.

If you completely forget to salt the palmiers, pop an olive on top and enjoy the flavors dancing in your mouth! It would also be good with an olive tapenade instead of the basil. If you try the tapenade, skip the salt.

Enjoy!

Halloween!

2010-11-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

Since I didn't get to take the munchkins trick-or-treating, I begged them to get into their costumes early. They didn't protest. They did however, tell me that they couldn't be in their costumes if they didn't have their light sabers. Trip was Darth Vader and apparently, Darth Vader can only use a red light saber. I received a lecture from both boys about Darth Vader ONLY using the redsight saber. Logan was Obi Wan Kenobi. Obi Wan's light saber color didn't receive the same attention as Darth Vader's.

They did not need to be told what to do with the light sabers. The sword fighting is intrinsic. I was just excited at this point because I didn't have to yell at them to watch out for the TV!!

World Series, Rangers v. Giants, Game 4

2010-11-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

The crowd was amazing at Game 4 of the World Series! There were more than 50,000 people in attendance! The excitement of the crowd was palpable. The stadium hummed with the voices of so many people.

President George Bush Sr. and Pres. Bush Jr. threw out the first pitch.

We were ready to watch a great game. We didn't really see that. The Rangers barely showed up. Big Daddy Awesome and his Dad yelled until they were hoarse. It didn't help. The Rangers didn't take any of their advice.

I did get to see some of my favorite players though! Micheal Young, Josh Hamilton, Ian Kinsler, and Bengie Molina were all there. You've got to love a sport that can get a guy with a gut the size of Molina's to it's World Series!

Tailgating at the World Series game!

2010-11-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

We went to game 4 of the World Series yesterday! We had an amazing time! We decided a little tailgating was in order before the game. Big Daddy Awesome and I took his parents to the game. We took our cooler and lawn chairs and found a nice and shady spot to relax in the most delicious Texas fall air for a couple of hours before the game started. And because it was the four of us, we laughed the whole time!

This is the handsome man I got to look at all night! Lucky me!

This was right behind my handsome husband. It's a portable potty. It's meant to be taken on a camping trip. It is NOT meant to be taken tailgating. This raises all kinds of questions for me. Do they just dig a hole underneath the chair inside the crapper tent? Or do they cart their crap around? Surely it's a hole. Why do they feel the need to have a port-a-crapper so near their tailgating site? I realize regular port-a-pottys are a bit on the disgusting side, but seriously, they can't hold it until they get in the game? Or is their behind too good to share a potty with the common man/woman? Is squatting really not an option? Why would they want their crap so near their food? Aren't they worried about cross contamination with their food? It's not like that port-a-crapper has room for a proper hand washing station!

We laughed quite a bit about the port-a-crapper, but if Big Daddy Awesome even thinks about taking me camping just so he can get a port-a-crapper, he is dead wrong! "Camping" for me includes a spa and five star service!

Some of these people were serious about their tailgating! We saw dozens of generators and DirecTV satellites and people watching other games and pregame shows from their cars. Pretty schnazzy!

Circling precariously overhead were at least six airplanes advertising beer, car insurance, and free admission to three different titty clubs. Because screaming and cheering for several hours in the elements is the perfect environment to enjoy before going to a strip club. I've never been to a strip club, but I'm thing Eau De Body Odor is probably not the best scent for attracting the strippers. And if your stench is bad enough, I'm willing to bet the strippers won't care how much money is in your pocket. A helicopter with no obvious purpose was in the mix for a while.

Just to make things more dangerous in the skies above the ballpark, in came the sideways flying blimp. The blimp looked like it was just a giant balloon being pushed along at the whim of the winds. (There were no blimp crashes in Arlington last night.)

We had a fantastic time tailgating! Beer is a beautiful thing and makes any sporting event infinitely more fun!

Halloween

2010-10-30T14:48:00.000-07:00

The munchkins have, I think, finally reached an age where they will remember details about their childhood. With Halloween being tomorrow, I really think they'll remember trick-or-treating. They've had their costumes for almost a month. I decided this year that I would not spend the day before Halloween picking through the leftovers at Target trying to find a suitable costume. The costumes were not on sale, but my kids will be what they want to be for Halloween.

You might think with all that planning, I would be taking them trick-or-treating. I'm not. Big Daddy Awesome is not. Neither are any of their grandparents. (Wait a second. The Mom of the Year people are knocking on my door to give me an award.)

None of us planned on the Texas Rangers making it all the way to the World Series. Not even Big Daddy Awesome who is the biggest Ranger fan in the world. BDA is a 1/8 owner of some season tickets for the Rangers. Can you guess when our tickets are? Sunday. After all of my planning, I will not be home to take my kids trick-or-treating. BDA claims that the munchkins will one day understand why we left them on Halloween to watch the Texas Rangers play in the world series and I know they will one day. I just wonder if I'll still be alive when they do.

Stir Fried Beef

2010-10-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

It's been forever since I posted a recipe and I thought I'd share one of my favorites. This recipe is very versatile and I usually chose the ingredients based on what looks good in the produce section. The most important tip I can share is that you DEFINITELY need to have everything chopped, sliced, and diced before you even think about turning on the stove. Ok, not diced. I never dice anything. You really want larger pieces in this dish.

And, thanks to the stats option of blogger, I just found out that someone from Russia has been visited my blog. How awesome is that?

Absolutely necessary ingredients:

2-3 Tbsp Olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced (or a good spoonful from your jar of minced garlic)
1/2 lb steak or chicken, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 Tbsp garlic powder
2-4 Tbsp ginger powder (Yes, TABLESPOONS)
1/2 cup soy sauce, plus more to taste

Optional ingredients, but chose at least 3

1/2 head of cabbage, cut into 1 inch squares
1 bag of broccoli florets (Don't hate me. Buy the whole thing and chop it if you want.)
1-2 zucchini, cut in half longways and sliced (depending on size)
1-2 yellow squash, cut in half longways and sliced
1 pkg button mushrooms, sliced
1/2 lb green beans, trimmed

Heat your wok over medium heat. Get your wok hot before you ever put the olive oil in it. The instruction manual on your wok says to do this. Trust me. Pour in the olive oil. You want about 1/8 inch of olive oil in the bottom of the wok. Toss in the garlic and let it cook for about 30 seconds. Add in the steak or chicken. Add in the granulated garlic and the ginger powder. Stir the meat mixture to get it cooked on all sides, 3-5 minutes. Take the steak or chicken out of the wok and put it in a bowl. Add in the cabbage and/or broccoli. Stir to coat it with the spices still in the wok. Put the meat or chicken on top of the cabbage and/or broccoli. Pour in the soy sauce. If you're using cabbage, add in about 1/2 cup of water. Let this cook for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionlly. Once the cabbage and/or broccoli is softened, add in any of the other vegetables. Stir to combine. Add in more soy sauce, if needed. Let the whole mixture cook for another 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

If you're using steak, you don't need to add in any other sauces.

If you're using chicken, the dish is better with some kind of sauce. My favorite is peanut sauce. We also like plum sauce.

Enjoy!

Tonight

2010-10-12T20:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight, my brother J sent me a picture of a finger missing it's tip. It was a fuzzy picture of his finger. Turns out it was only the skin missing. Kind of disappointing. As my demons laughed at their uncle's wimpiness, I asked J if I could tell a story here about one of his finer moments of dating communication. Yes, he does suffer from the same foot-in-mouth disease which I endure. Suffer may be a strong term. J thoroughly enjoys his foot-in-mouth disease and retelling said encounters later for others.

But being a mom to demons, I had to do the mom thing before I could blog. There was what a funny story about the boys here, but Big Daddy Awesome thought the boys might not appreciate that story being told about them in the future, so it's gone. Now that I've had a chance to vent about my demons, it's time for J's story!

J was more popular than I was in high school, although I'm not sure he ever really knew it or that it mattered to him. There was never a shortage of obnoxiously giggly girls waiting for J to show them the slightest amount of attention. In his freshman year of high school, J started "going with" one of his classmates. "Going with someone" was the high school equivalent of dating.

The relationship had lasted for 3 or 4 weeks when this event occurred. Their "relationship" consisted of eating lunch together at school and phone calls. There may have been a chaperoned date to the movies. They were 15 years old. Not much else should be happening.

So one day, they are eating lunch together with a group of her friends. J has a package of chips on a plate covered in melted, processed cheese product. I'm not going to pretend that I was a food snob in high school, but who approved that for cafeteria provided lunches? Did a velveeta knock off brand send a school cafeteria buyer a bribe? How can that be remotely healthy for growing teenagers? Back to my story. J is eating the chips and processed cheese product. And the girlfriend whips out a can of cherry pie filling and a can opener. She then proceeds to open the can of PIE FILLING and eat the ENTIRE can!!! She is then not satisfied and asks J if she can have some of his chips and processed cheese product. J looks at her and says, with a straight face, "I think you've had enough to eat for today."

I don't know who left the table first, though I think it was probably her. The inevitable break up happened that day.

J was not remorseful in the least over what he said. He may have been bored with the girl already. He enjoyed telling me and our mother and anyone else who would listen about what he had said.

I'd consider enjoying my foot-in-mouth disease more, but I think I just come off as pretentious, while my brother comes of as hilarious and charming.

You want to know what which word means???

2010-10-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

Bedtime has a special mother-son feel for us. It's a time for story book reading, cuddling, and conversations at the end of the day. That being said, we usually wrap up all of that mother-son time in about 20-30 minutes. I have a blog to write after all. Sometimes, the bed time ritual is sweet. Sometimes, there is cursing. Sometimes, there are tears, mine or theirs. It hurts to be tackled by a 52 lb munchkin. Trip often tells me that he wants to talk to me about his day. Logan occasionally wants a word defined, which was the case several weeks ago.

Mama, what does sex mean?

Me, coughing, sputtering, looking wildly around for the adult in the room to answer this kid's question. No such adult existed.

I slowly regained my composure.

Logan, I'm not ready to define that word for you yet.

But Mom!

Where did you hear that word?

And I found my inner adult! Did you see it?

I heard it on Family Guy.

OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!

So, we stopped watching Family Guy for a while. Which then turned into me and Big Daddy Awesome watching Family Guy after the boys had gone to bed. Then, Big Daddy Awesome started letting the boys watch the Family Guy Star Wars movie. Can you see where this leads? My kids need to be in bed by 6:30 every night so we can watch tv. Or not. Eventually, we lost the "No Family Guy" rule.

In all fairness to Family Guy, Logan did ask me occasionally over the next few weeks to define sex for him again without seeing Family Guy. I'd refuse to define it and that would end the discussion. Or so I thought. Apparantly, Logan's little mind was hard at work over this new and fascinating word that Mom wouldn't define. Little demon. I think he's possessed.

So a couple of nights ago, the boys and I are in their bedroom, doing our nightly routine. We've read 3 books. They're both cuddled up to me. And then Logan decides that the time is right to make his request of me.

Mom, I want you and Dad to have sex so I can have a little sister.

What in the hell has happened to my innocent little baby? Why would he say such a thing to me? A freaking sister? Is he crazy? Who filled his head with a freaking definition that I didn't want him to have yet?

So I choked again.

Logan, what do you think that word means?

It's something Moms and Dads do to make a baby. I want a sister.

Who told you what that word means?

My brain thought it up. My brain is smart.

Really kid? He doesn't even blink when he's telling me this. I think he may have really deduced this on his own. Why on earth does he want a sister? Is Big Daddy Awesome telling him to ask for a sister?

I told him that the conversation was over until he was 10 years old and there would be no baby sister.

I don't mind my children being the ones to enlighten their friends' vocabularies on the playground with 4 letter words, but I am not ready for that big talk yet.

Good Night

2010-09-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Trip was feeling especially rambunctious. I sent him in to say good night to Big Daddy Awesome with instructions to give Daddy a hug. What did Big Daddy Awesome get? A punch in the stomach! Followed by uncontrollable giggling. Why do little boys act like that?

Flashlight pictures

2010-09-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

Big Daddy Awesome has a fascination with office gadgets. His newest gadget is a combination key chain, flashlight, bottle opener, and flashlight with his business information on it. Big Daddy Awesome is one happy guy. He loves his gadgets. The munchkins take after him. They found a cache of the key chains and I found them hiding in my closet. They though they were in trouble, but I broke out the iphone and started snapping pictures of them.

Boys, edited

2010-09-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

I've been experimenting with the editing feature on my computer. This is closer to what my munchkins looked like on their first day of school. Those shirts will be permanently stained within the month. I don't really know how they end up with so many stains on their shirts. Do they actually eat their lunches at school? Or do they just use their food to paint their shirts?

Brian!

2010-09-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is my brother Brian. He's trying to look cool and debonair for my blog post about him. I'm actually about 3 months late doing this post. Better late than never, right?

Brian is significantly younger than me. Please don't think "obviously."

Brian is the product of a second marriage for my mother. We were raised together, so we usually don't refer to each other as half-siblings. Brian's father, at the time of Brian's birth, was a non-practicing Jew. My mother was an Episcopalian and thought it was rather cool that she had married a Jewish man and had a child who was 1/4 Jewish genetically.

With my mother thinking it so cool that Brian was 1/4 Jewish, Brian naturally thought it was pretty cool that he was Jewish. Once he reached age 4 or 5, he started asking what it meant that he was part Jewish. His father was not practicing on his most generous days and agnostic or an atheist on the rest of his days, so he refused to tell Brian anything about his Jewish heritage. So Brian only had our mother to tell him what is meant to be Jewish. What did she tell him? That Jewish people were really good with money. So what did Brian do? He decided that he would hoard any money he earned until absolutely necessary to spend said money.

Then South Park came along. South Park is great viewing material for 5 year olds. Until you've had an episode of South Park repeated to you, verbatim, and at least 4 times a week by a 5 year old, you haven't lived. Brian, at the tender, young age of 5, then saw Jewish satirical humor weekly. Being 5, he didn't understand that the show was making fun of the stereotypes of Jewish people.

Then, satirical cartoon humor progressed and we were given Family Guy. I don't remember exactly when Family Guy first aired, but we quickly found Brian's double on Family Guy. Brian had become Mort the Jew. He can imitate the whiny, nasal voice of Mort. Brian would love nothing more that to be able to grow a "Jewfro" similar to Mort's. Obviously, he can't! And for some strange reason, Brian is as injury prone as Mort the Jew.

On our family trip to Williamsburg this year, Brian sustained multiple injuries just by being himself. I can't remember what he did to his hand, but he had stitches in his hand before the plane ever left the ground. I got to cut them out with sewing scissors!!

Brian also went on the trip to the beach with J where they both got miserably sunburned. Brian, aka Mort, got tossed around by the waves of the ocean and thrown down by the water which bruised his foot. He thought it was broken. Mom wanted him to get an x-ray. Mom got overruled.

He really, really loves me for posting this picture of him topless and sunburned!

The Snake

2010-09-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

This is my sweet mother. She has one very dark sense of humor. She can occasionally be as tough as nails. I went over to visit with her tonight and she reminded me of a story I think some of you might enjoy. A little back ground information is needed first. My mother is a small woman. In her youth, she was 5 feet 3 inches and proud she was that tall. She was a bit of a tomboy as a child and has loved the outdoors all of her life. Whenever there is a job to be done, she will volunteer and work until said job is complete.

Twelve years ago, my petite, tomboyish mother had to clean out my grandfather's house in the country so it could be sold. My grandfather lived out in the country in Oklahoma. To say my grandfather's house was in a state of disrepair would be a major understatement. He accumulated more and more junk in his last five years in the house and really wasn't able to clean anything or do any repairs on the house. It was sad, but he moved to a retirement home and ended up being much happier.

So my mother took on the onerous task of cleaning out his house mostly by herself. My brothers and I would help her when we could. I don't remember why no one went up with Mom on his particular day, but for some reason, she found herself cleaning out the garage by herself.

Is your spine tingling yet? Do you know what's going to happen? It should be obvious something bad is about to happen. This is a story about my mother, after all.

Rattle.....

Rattle.....

She was moving a pile of firewood that had been stored in the garage.

Hisssss.....

Chop, freaking chop!

My petite little mom was cleaning out the garage with an ax in one hand just in case she found a snake laying in wait.

So, she chopped off it's head! That's what you're supposed to do when a huge, poisonous snake is staring at you. I think she stepped on it's head or upper neck so it couldn't try to bite her while she was taking care of her newfound problem. She's kind of smart like that.

I'll kill a spider any day, but I draw the line at reptiles that could kill me. I will run away from a snake as fast as I can. Then I'll call my mom to take care of it.

Peanut Butter Pie

2010-09-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

Before I get to the recipe, I just want to say that I accept all manner of gifts. Make this and you will want to send me diamonds and cash and airline vouchers good for trips to New York City. You've been warned!

This is my Peanut Butter Pie. I originally got this recipe from Cooking Lite Magazine. The only ingredient I left low fat was the peanut butter because it's the only one that effects the flavor. When peanut butter is made lowfat, the manufacturers add in sugar. All of the other ingredients end up with a chemical aftertaste when they are low fat or fat free. That's just my humble opinion. Make this pie and you'll agree with me!

The lineup:

1 cup low fat peanut butter
8 oz cream cheese
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 cup powdered sugar
12 oz frozen whipped cream
2 regular sized graham cracker pie crusts
chocolate syrup (like Hershey's)

Mix the first 3 ingredients in a stand mixer. Add in the powdered sugar and combine. Add in the frozen whipped cream and combine. Scrape down the sides of the of the bowl and mix a bit more until the pie filling has a smooth consistency. Pour half of the filling into each pie crust. Put the plastic tops back on each pie and freeze for at least 6 hours.

The pies will be mostly solid, but will melt quickly. Top with a drizzle of chocolate syrup.

When you make these pies, serve a small sliver of pie and make sure you've got a large crowd to feed. It's so sweet that you can't eat a large piece before your mouth begs you to stop from sugar overload.

My Birthday Present from the Boys

2010-09-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

I threw myself a birthday party last week for turning 32!! During my frenzy of cleaning and cooking for the party, my sweet munchkins announced they were going to make their beds for the party! This is the result of their labor. I almost teared up when I saw how sweet they had been.

First Day of School!

2010-09-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

The munchkins have started kindergarten!! I finally have the first day of school pictures to share. As you can see, they are more interested in casual clothes. The idea of denim in the summer will cause histrionics instanteously. And it's days like these that I'm so very grateful that I have boys. They pick out their own clothes in the morning and in their eyes, they match well enough. They own one pair of tennis shoes, one pair of sandals, and one pair of cleats each. There is no arguing in the morning about shoes because sandals aren't allowed at school.

I was forced this week to go down the girl toy aisle to get a birthday present for a friend. I was traumatized by the pinkness of the whole aisle. I couldn't handle the frilly, pink, sparkly sensory overload. Every time we go to a girl's birthday party, I become so much more grateful that I have boys!

The Bulldog Corner of Shame

2010-09-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

Annabelle has exiled herself to the Bulldog Corner of Shame.

The Poor, poor Tooth Fairy!!

2010-09-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

I've never really worried about my munchkins being "normal", but there are some things I thought were universal. Like loose teeth for instance. I didn't think there was ever a child who had a loose tooth and didn't mess with it for days before it finally fell out. I was pretty sure there was a law somewhere about fiddling with loose teeth.

And then there was Logan.

I have been checking their teeth for a year and a half, waiting for their first loose tooth. Yes, I am anal like that. Maybe I was more excited about them loosing teeth than they were. I explained to them that their teeth would fall out and new ones would grow back in their place. Shouldn't that be fascinating to a little boy?? Mine showed mild interest to placate me.

So a few weeks ago, Logan's first tooth fell out. We were getting ready to go to swimming lessons and I was trying to usher the boys out the door. Logan was ignoring me and holding a towel to his mouth. I demanded to know what he was doing and he showed me the blood on the towel. He had never noticed his tooth being loose until the tooth literally fell out in his hand.

Several weeks later, at a previously scheduled dentist appointment, we had x-rays taken of their teeth and Logan was going to lose a second tooth within a couple of weeks. I want to stress that I did not take my kids to the dentist to get x-rays just to see when their teeth were going to fall out. The appointment was scheduled six monthes ago at their last appointment. I'm a freak, but I'm not going to get my kids x-rayed to find out when they're going to lose a couple of teeth. Trip's first tooth will be a few more months!

Since Logan's second tooth was so close to falling out, I asked him every few days if the tooth was loose. He'd claim ignorance, refuse to let me check, acquiesce finally and let me check only for the tooth to not be loose.

And then finally, we were out eatng Mexican food one night. Logan was going to eat nachos, so I asked him about the tooth. The tooth was hanging on by the smallest piece of tissue. I couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before then. Big Daddy Awesome and I then proceeded to tell Logan every three minutes to make sure he didn't swallow the tooth. Can you guess what happened? If you guessed he swallowed the tooth, you would be absolutely right!

How do you not feel the tooth leave your gums? How do you not notice a tooth while you are chewing your food? Does he chew his food?

Being the slightly disturbed mother I am, I told him the Tooth Fairy was going to have to wait until he pooped out the tooth and then find the tooth in his poop before he could get any money from her. He believed me. Why wouldn't he? Mothers don't lie to their children about important things like the Tooth Fairy or tooth retrieval!

So we got home and I forgot about the tooth. Four days later, I finally remembered to leave a dollar under his pillow. I went to work the next morning before the sun broke over the horizon and assumed my munchkin would find his dollar. He didn't. I asked Big Daddy Awesome if Logan had found his tooth all day long. They were all at home. Apparently, the munchkins never made it back up to their bedroom. So, Logan found his dollar when I was putting him to bed that night.

He holds up his dollar in he air and says, "Look Mom! The tooth fairy ate the poop off of my tooth and gave me a dollar!"

You're welcome for the visual!

Foot in Mouth Disease

2010-08-31T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have probably suffered from Foot in Mouth disease my entire life, but it has become more pronounced in the last few years. This is probably due in part to my ever increasing age and my shrinking ability to care what people think.

My friends and family know this about me very well. If you can be offended, I will offend you. If you're sensitive about something, I will comment on it. This comment will be offensive to everyone, not just you. I can't help it. My mouth opens and words come out and then I think about the words coming out of my mouth. This is one of the reasons I prefer to shop alone. This may also be the reason that the only person who ever asks me to go shopping with her is my mother.

So obviously, I'm headed towards a story. Here it is!

I was at Sam's the other day. Sam's would be the large wholesale cousin of Wal-Mart. There is a clothing section in the middle of the store. I was already irritated with the boys, so they were sitting in the shopping cart and were reasonably quiet.

The fact that my children were in the basket and being reasonably quiet must have made this poor, unsuspecting woman think that I was a good person to ask for an opinion. Or she was on crack, because I wouldn't ask me for my opinion. So she asks me if the short sleeved, long waisted cardigan is too tight on her.

Who in their right mind asks a perfect stranger a question like that????

So I looked at her and tried to give her an honest opinion.

"I'm really not the right person to ask because I don't like those sweaters. Unless you have really thin arms, they don't look good."

That entire phrase came out of my mouth. I didn't just think it. I said it. And then I realized what I said. What I said was a thinly veiled "Your arms are too fat for that sweater."

And then I stopped talking. I just looked at her. She looked at me. And then, like I hadn't said anything at all, she said,

"But is it too tight in the middle?"

I had to remind myself to speak. I told her "No. It's not too tight. It looks fine."

And then I walked hurriedly away.

I'm thinking about wearing a sign around my neck when I go out, warning passersby not to ask my opinion.

Kindergarteners!!!

2010-08-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

The munchkins have finally made it to kindergarten!! They are still attending the same private school where they attended preschool and will have the same teachers they've had for the last 2 years, so we have added new responsibilities to their daily life to make this transition more momentous.

1. They have started getting an allowance!!

It's only $5.00 per week, but how much money does a 5 year old kid really need? They are earning this allowance by picking up their toys at night, taking their dishes to the sink every evening, and putting their clothes in the hamper at night. They've been doing most of these chores for a while, but we decided rewarding the partcipation in household chores would provide more incentive to do them.

My motivation for starting the munchkins with an allowance so soon is because I do not want to have teenagers who do not understand the value of money. My brother and I first received an allowance starting at age 5 and I turned out ok. (Love you J!)

2. They got their first alarm clocks!!

My Aunt Karen suggested this. (I am using her name, even without her permission, because I have no dirt on her.) My Aunt Karen had a girlfriend who gave her children an alarm clock before they started kindergarten and her kids learned how to wake up to an alarm clock very early.

My motivation here should be obvious. I do not want to be the snooze button for a couple of teenagers. Or college age boys living at home (Brother B!!).

3. We got them laced tennis shoes.

This one isn't going so well. Big Daddy Awesome and I both learned how to tie our shoes in kindergarten, so we decided they needed to learn how. This one requires patience on the part of the parents.

So far, the boys are standing up very well to their new challenges.

Momma Law #1

2010-08-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

Growing up in the south, there were certain things my mother insisted upon. There were the usual instructions like, DO NOT EMBARASS ME IN PUBLIC! and NO CURSING IN PUBLIC! and NO FIGHTING IN PUBLIC! There was one rule however, which was specific to me because I was the only girl.

THOU SHALT NOT JIGGLE!

When I was younger, this simply meant wearing pantyhose with a dress. I started wearing pantyhose when I was all of 14 years old. Then I put on a little weight and the spandex turned into those biker shorts with a high waist to keep the tummy looking flat in addition to control top pantyhose.

Then I ate myself into a size "OH MY GOD I'M HUGE". Because of my enormouse size, I have suffered a new level of humiliation related to Momma's Law #1. I had to buy and wear my first girdle. Life is now hard and a diet will be coming very quickly to my belly.

I would blame it on my kids, but I got down to a really cute size 6 after they were born. The only thing I can really blame on them are my stretch marks.

Now, you can all thank me for not posting a picture of my stretch marked belly or the girdle!

Swimming Lessons

2010-08-03T22:30:00.000-07:00

I need to apologize in advance for the title of this entry because it is not as innocuous as it sounds.

Now I need to apologize because the story is not quite that gross.

The munchkins are in swim lessons now. Finally. Ok, yes, I am a negligent mother. They are 5 1/2 years old, practically ready to move out, and I've just now gotten them into swim lessons. But finally, finally, they are learning how to swim.

Before I really get into this story, think about all of the pools you've ever been in. Have you ever seen a kid get out of the water to go to the bathroom? Have you ever seen an adult get out of the water to go to the bathroom? You are not at church and confessions are not necessary.

So, munchkins, at the pool, swimming, being their usual charming selves. And over to the edge of the yard, there is a little, plastic kiddie pool. A little girl leaves the main pool and goes and sits in the pool and then gets back up and goes back into the main pool. A few minutes later, the girl's sister goes and sits on the edge of the plastic kiddie pool and very obviously relieves her bladder. All of the adult laugh at her. The wheels in Logan's head start to spin. Logan gets out of the big pool and walks over to the plastic pool. Logan stands at the edge of the pool, drops his trousers and relieves himself.

What can I say? The boy is smart. He didn't want to sit in a pool full of urine or even get his feet in the pool.

Meatballs!

2010-07-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

Every great once in a while (read 2-3 times per month), I pour a large glass of red wine and cook for a couple of hours. This occasionally produces some blog-worthy food. I'm not a professional blogger, so all of this food gets eaten, regardless of Big Daddy Awesome's opinion of said food. These meatballs, however, are delicious!

First, pour yourself a large glass of your favorite red wine!

Ingredients:

1 lb ground beef
1 lb hot Italian sausage (5 links), casings removed
1 Tbsp oregano
1 egg
1/4 bread crumbs (scant 1/4 cup)
1/4 cup shredded Romano or Parmesan or Asiago cheese

Preheat oven to 400 F.

Mix all of the ingredients together with your hands, incorporating the ingredients well.

Form int 1-2 Tbsp meatballs and bake at 400 F for 20 minutes.

At this point, you can add the meatballs to preheated marinara sauce or cool, preparing to freeze.

Ed likes to use the meatballs with store bought marinara sauce with 1 Tbsp of brown sugar and 1 can of diced tomatoes.

I like to use 10 lbs of meat and make enough to freeze for nights when I work and Ed has to cook dinner.

Serve the meatball and marinara over the pasta you love best!

Beans and Rice

2010-07-22T14:40:00.001-07:00

I know this dish is not the most appetizing food you will ever see on a blog. This is brown food, the food of children, the food of happy husbands. This dish takes 5 minutes of effort, so Momma is happy because she gets to play with her family.

I got the original recipe from my mother in law the day after we brought the boys home from the hospital. We changed it a bit because Big Daddy Awesome and I are carnivores.

The exceedingly simple ingredients:

1 cup of rice (we use brown rice)
2 cans of original Ranch Style beans (I don't think there's even a comparable store brand version)
1 1/2 - 2 cups of salsa (we use the bottled type, medium heat, because this is not the kind of recipe you'd waste homemade salsa on)
4 bratwurst (We use Johnsonville, either all beef or the Beddar Cheddar varieties. Any type will do, even plain hotdogs.)
Cheddar cheese

Put the rice and 2 1/2 cups of water on to boil. Cook per directions on the bag.

In a seperate pot, turn the heat on to medium and add in the Ranch Style beans. I always skim off any fat that has accumulated at the top because it grosses me out. Add in the salsa and stir. The mixture should not be too thick. Slice the bratwurst or hotdogs vertically in half and then slice into discs. Add the bratwurst into the beans. Cover the pot and cook on medium while the rice finishes cooking.

Go play with your kids and deny that laundry is your responsibility until the rice is finished cooking.

Check on the beans after about 15 minutes and stir to keep anything from sticking to the bottom of the pot. Turn the heat on the beans down to low.

Add the cooked rice into the bean mixture, stir well, and put the lid back on. Cook on low to medium low for about 10 minutes to let the flavors meld.

Top with cheddar cheese.

Lie profusely to your child who doesn't like cheese, telling him there is no cheese stirred into his beans and rice.

My in laws like to saute onions in olive oil until softened and put them on top of the beans and rice.

Bask in the glow of your children's love while they are eating beans and rice and telling you how wonderful you are!

Green Enchiladas!

2010-07-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

These are the heavenly vegetables that make up one of the most delicious dishes I know how to make. I will be eternally grateful to my friend, Jeni, for teaching me how to make Green Enchiladas. I usually make these once every year, in the spring, and I always think of Jeni when I do.

Queso Fresco and Crema are the very necessary toppings. They can usually be found in the refrigerated cheese section of a grocery store.

Let the drooling commence!

I just wanted to add in a picture of my munchkin eating lettuce. Not many little munchkins eat like he does. Not many adults eat the way he does. He will eat almost anything!

On to the recipe!

Enchiladas Verdes or Green Enchiladas.

3 cooked chicken breasts (boiled, broiled, baked, pre-cooked from the deli, cooked any way you like)
2.5 - 3 lbs tomatillos
2 (or more) serrano peppers
2-3 garlic cloves
1 bunch of cilantro
1/4-1/2 tsp salt
30 corn tortillos
olive oil

Toppings:
1 chopped white onion
Queso Fresco
Lettuce, cut into strips
Crema

Shred the chicken in a food processor. Set aside.

Remove the papery husks from the tomatillos and rinse thoroughly. The tomatillos do not need to be hulled. Put the tomatillos, serrano peppers, and garlic in a dutch oven and fill with enough water to cover the tomatillos by about 2 inches. Heat over high heat, boiling about 10 minutes. The tomatillos will turn a less vibrant green and soften. Don't let the tomatillos boil so long they burst and fall apart.

Rinse the cilantro. Cut off most of the leaves and a small part of the stems and put them in a blender. Put the cooked tomatillos, garlic, and serrano peppers in the blender as well. Reserve the cooking water. Grind the mixture, taking care not to turn it into mush. You want a few small chunks of tomatillos left.

If your name is Amanda, let the plastic lid fall into the blender and grind the whole mixture a few more times. Realize what you've done. Throw out the whole thing because there are now chips of clear plastic hiding in your beautiful tomatillo salsa. Go to the grocery store and get more tomatillos, cilantro, and serrano peppers. Make the tomatillo salsa again. Decide while the vegetables are boiling that you need a glass of wine. Taste every open bottle in your refrigerator. Gag as you get a mouthful of vinegar with each taste. Open a new bottle of wine and pour a very large glass of wine for yourself.

Add about a cup of the tomatillo salsa into the reserved shredded chicken and stir to incorporate. It should be the consistency of a dry chicken salad.

Get out 2 pans and 2-3 baking dishes. Turn on the oven to 350 degrees F. In the first pan, heat 1/4-1/2 cup olive oil over medium heat. In the second pan, heat about 1/2 cup of the tomatillo salsa and thin it with about 1/4 cup of the reserved cooking water or chicken broth. Spread a thin layer of the tomatillo salsa in the first baking dish. (I used 13x9 baking dishes.) Now is the time to put munchkins who are old enough to be trusted in the kitchen to work, using an assembly line approach. Put a corn tortilla in the olive oil and then flip it over to coat both sides of the tortilla, then let it fry on one side for about 30 seconds. The olive oil will bubble around the edges and then the tortilla will bubble up in spots. (There is no need to fry the torilla on the other side.) Transfer the tortilla (with tongs!) to the next pan with the thinned tomatillo salsa. Transfer the tortilla to the baking dish. Fill the tortilla with about 1/4 cup of the chicken/salsa and roll into an enchilada. The tortilla will be very hot at this point. Be careful not to burn your fingers. Repeat until the chicken is all used.

Sprinkle the baking pans of enchiladas with some chopped white onion and 1-2 Tbsp of the Queso fresco. Bake the enchiladas for 15 minutes at 350 F. This is really just to warm the enchiladas through.

To serve, put desired number of enchiladas on a plate and top with the lettuce of your choice (I used green leaf lettuce), chopped onion, queso fresco, and crema, all to taste.

The Eyebrows!

2010-07-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted, but life got in the way. I also haven't downloaded any pictures from my camera, so I'm going to give you another story. This one is a gem from my mental archive and it's a doozy! I do have full permission to tell this story :)

My brother, J, is 2 1/2 years younger than I am. We shared lots of friends in high school. He and I hung out. We laughed together. We irritated the crap out of each other. We usually had each others best interests at heart. Usually. We kept each others secrets fairly well. So basically, we were pretty close.

And then I graduated from high school. Which is much better than the alternative of not graduating from high school. I ended up going to the local junior college. J and I still hung out, but life was a little different for me in college. I didn't get to hang out with my friends or my brother as much as I would have liked. Research papers grew in length. Tests required cramming the night before.

This story starts on a night in October of my freshman year in college. I was at home, studying for a test on a weeknight. J had left some time earlier in the evening. I can't remember now if I knew who he was with or what he was doing. He came home after our mother was in bed, 11 or midnight. And my butthead of a brother was drunk! And he had been drinking with all of our mutual friends!

Now, I have a jealous streak that runs a mile wide and can be a bit mean when caught off guard.

J did not have the sense to just come home drunk. J came home with all of the evidence of the good time he had had on his face. They had been playing "Drunkopoly," which is Monopoly with the Chance and Community Chest cards changed to different pranks which would have to be done when drawn. "Shave half an eyebrow" was one. In fact, many of the cards required the drawer to shave a body part. I think one had the drawer stripping off their clothes and running out into the street. J ended up coming home with the outside half of each eyebrow shaved, both legs shaved to the knee, both armpits shaved, and one arm shaved. (Looking back on this, they really had a fetish for shaving.)

So there was my brother, drunk and looking stupid and there was me, irritated with my brother because he was drunk and jealous because I hadn't been there. I then did what came naturally to me. (I have a it of a mean streak.) I proceded to convince my gullible brother that he would need to shave the rest of his eyebrows so they would grow back evenly.

Me: J, you're going to need to shave the rest of your eyebrows to make them grow back evenly.

J: Dude! Are you sure?

Me: Dude! Yes I'm sure! I know about these things. I'm a girl. They won't grow back evenly if you don't shave them completely off.

J: Ok.

So J goes to the bathroom. I stayed at the desk in the living room, studying and trying not to laugh. I don't know what razor he used because I don't remember him having to shave his face at the time.

J came out of the bathroom every 30 seconds. Dude, are you sure about this?

Me: Dude, yes. Now go shave so you can go to bed and let me study

Back and forth to the bathroom he went, shaving a quarter inch off of his eyebrows at a time from the outside. We'd repeat the conversation every time. I'm still not sure how I held in my laughter.

J: Amanda!

Me: What?

J: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, dude! I'm sure! Now go finish shaving and let me study!

You'll have to excuse the prolific use of the term "dude," but it was the late '90's and it was a miracle we had any other words in our respective vocabularies.

J finally came out of the bathroom with his eyebrows completely shaven. I died laughing. I had held in my laughter as long as I could. There was my brother, drunk, with his gorgeous dark tan (of which I am completely jealous!), and the palest skin I'd ever seen where his eyebrows had been!!

Our mother forced him to go to school the next day, perhaps hoping the humiliation would teach him a lesson. Our friends called him "Powder" in reference to the character in a movie that had recently come out, but I never saw the movie so I don't remember the reason for the name.

Little brothers are such a blessing! ;)

Ice Cream Stories

2010-07-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

Big Daddy Awesome and I took the munchkins out for ice cream today because my brother, B, was working. Yes, that does mean I am unwilling to pay full price to eat ice cream at the ice cream shop. Why? Because I'm cheap and I don't really like ice cream that much.

The boys got their ice cream and were directed to the only open table while BDA and I talked to my brother. Since we hadn't seen him since lunch time, there was a lot to talk about. BDA and I took our time deciding what kind of ice cream to get. There was no one else in line, so we didn't worry about making our selection quickly. And then I heard far too much giggling and loud talking coming from the direction of my children. I finally decided to pay attention to the conversation happening between my unsupervised children.

Tripper, "Mmmmm, salmonella!"

Uncontrollable giggling.

Shocked looks coming from the adults sitting with their children who are quietly eating their ice cream.

Logie, "Mmmmm, salmonella!"

Uncontrollable giggling.

I could continue typing that whole segment, but you get the idea. They just kept going.

I went over to chastise them while BDA made a weak attempt to cover up his laughing and order his ice cream. Yes, I did threaten my children's lives. No, it did not matter one bit. I went back to order my ice cream while BDA's order was being finished.

The boys kept on with their "Mmmmm, salmonella!" conversation, albeit in a much quieter fashion.

Oddly enough, by the time I sat down to enjoy my ice cream with my little family, there wasn't a single patron left in the store.

Peroxide removes blood stains from clothes!

2010-07-01T20:45:00.000-07:00

I despise cleaning my house. I'm not good at it. On the rare occasion I am forced to participate in such a barbaric activity, it either takes me an unreasonable amount of time to finish the cleaning, or it doesn't get finished. I therefore find it completely reasonable to pay someone else to clean my house on a weekly basis. The house gets cleaned in about 5 hours and I get to come home to a clean house that smells wonderful. I have, however, been forced to learn a few handy tricks over the years.

1. Peroxide removes blood stains from clothing!

While this tip is useful when raising little boys, and I assume will become more useful as they get older, the absolute best reason to know this tidbit of information is so you can post it on your unsuspecting friends' facebook pages.

Simply pour peroxide directly onto the blood stain on the fabric. Take off the clothing first. Then wash as you normally would.

2. White vinegar, or a mixture of 1/2 white vinegar and 1/2 water, will remove the odor of urine (and probably almost any other odor) from furniture.

If you just spout off these two facts, people may think you are involved in violent crime. Make up an alias and regale them with stories of your crime sprees. It'll be much more entertaining than simply admitting you have little boys who have trouble "aiming" or occasionally wet the bed. This may also be a useful tip if you frequently host frat parties involving vast quantities of cheap beer and mattresses strewn about various bedrooms. I have never hosted such a party, but it seems like a plausible situation.

I keep a spray bottle with 1:1 white vinegar and water around the house for guests and little boys who have aiming difficulties.

3. My last tip actually involves the pictures above. We went to a friend's house last weekend to swim. My girl friend sprayed down Yogan with sunscreen while I was putting on Tripper's floaties and then we switched kids. They played in the pool for hours and had a fantastic time. When the sun was setting and it was time for the boys to get out of the pool, they whined and complained and finally got out. Yogie's arms, which had been sprayed with sunscreen and then had his floaties put on, were covered with the paint from the floaties. The spray sunscreen and the paint on the floatie had reacted, leaving a "tattoo" on my child. "Tattoo" was his word, not mine. Fantastic blogger that I am, I have no pictures to show you of the paint.

Rubbing with a towel did nothing. Soap and water did nothing. Rubbing alcohol and alot of friction finally did the trick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, dear reader, here is where you come in. I have a white refrigerator. I like my refrigerator. It hold food and keeps said food cold. It does not cost me any more money other than the cost of electricity. It has many, many years left of usefulness. One full side and a couple of places on one door were colored on by the munchkins with dry erase marker about three years ago. I have tried everything I could think of to remove the marks, but so far, nothing has worked very well. Any suggestions?

Vacation blunders!

2010-06-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

I'd warn you, both of my dear readers, that there are some gross pictures to follow, but as I already know you must have a pretty sick and twisted mind, I think this will serve as a disclaimer for anyone who happens to stumble upon my blog by chance. They are delightfully disgusting.

These are of special significance to me, because they are of my dear brothers, whom I sometimes despise. Why do I despise them? Because both of the buttheads can turn various shades of tan. The makeup I buy ranges from ivory to linen. What color make up would they wear? I don't know because I've never even bothered to look that dark in the makeup spectrum!!

Life is sometimes not fair. And sometimes, just sometimes, that works out in my favor. I learned as a very young person that sunburns hurt and you should always wear SPF "full body armor" if you plan to go to the beach and drink all day. My brothers were not as lucky as I was.

This is the before picture. Not so bad here. Somewhere in the medium tan range.

And then here are my genius brothers, showing their profound lack of common sense. Even our mother laughed at them.

And here they are, crispy fried chicken skins!

This picture requires a little bit of an explanation. This shows a previously unknown to the universe level of airheadedness. Not only does my brother, J, fry himself like bacon at the beach, but the next morning, when a little sense should have returned to him, he puts a nicotine patch on his arm. Why would he put it there? Why would he not put it on a spot that is not sunburned?? Was there a desire to further amuse me? I doubt it, but the thought does entertain me. This is the aftermath. Not only did he put the nicotine patch on the sunburned skin, but he ripped it off the next morning!

And all of the sudden, the peeling begins!

And here is the most disgusting picture of all! This looks like very finely sliced bacon coming off of my brother's head in strips.

So anyway, they're both single. I just thought I'd throw that out there. You know, in case some sick, twisted, awesome woman thought either one of them was even remotely cute and could stomach the thought of a guy who could be such an airhead.

The New Theme Song

2010-06-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

Our house has a new theme song which was blatantly stolen from a popular song and centers on Annabelle's awesomeness.

Big Daddy Awesome: Sweet Annabelle

Boys: Bamp, bamp, bamp

Big Daddy Awesome: Bulldogs never looked so good

Boys: So good, so good, so good

Big Daddy Awesome: Sweet Annabelle

Boys: Bamp, bamp, bamp

Big Daddy Awesome: She's a pretty, little girl, my bulldog

There is definitely a trip in our future to take the munchkins to see Fenway Park.

Observations from the vacation

2010-06-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

I noticed a few things while on vacation with my family this week.

1. Everyone in my family finds sunburned skin on someone else irresistible. My brothers spent a common sense free day at the beach and came back very sunburned. They spent the rest of the week touching one another on their respective sunburned necks and arms and backs whenever the other wasn't looking.

2. My mother gets some sort of injury every time she goes on vacation. This trip was no exception. She rode on a Seg-way (it's a one manned vehicle you stand on) and managed to crash into a curb and skinned her knee. This was an exceptionally mild injury for her.

3. I have an easily turned stomach when it comes to certain food and my family knows this. Chicken skin is a substance I find revolting. I may be the only southerner with this affliction. I NEVER eat that slimy, disgusting substance. Every time we passed the Kentucky Fried Chicken with the "All You Can Eat" banner, Big Daddy Awesome and my brothers would ask me if I'd like to go in for some deep fried chicken skin. And then I would involuntarily retch.

4. There are a large number of women who feel the need to wear a bikini at the beach. The vast majority of them should not be wearing said bikinis.

5. Big Daddy Awesome was recently diagnosed with a shell fish allergy. By me. He did not appreciate being threatened with an Epi-pen stabbing to his thigh if his airway swelled shut, should he indulge in any shell fish. (What did he think would happen if he married a nurse?)

6. The most fascinating thing my children did was ride the shuttle bus in Colonial Williamsburg. They begged to get to ride the bus every day. Why couldn't they find anything else fascinating?

7. A two hour dinner at a period restaurant with entertainment by costumed interpreters is perfectly acceptable. An hour and a half at a breakfast joint is completely unacceptable and yet the norm. Do they really think I want to bask in the ambiance of their tacky fake plants and decades old plastic chairs?

8. The tunnels going under the river coming out of Norfolk have a strobe-like effect and make me dizzy. How do more wrecks not happen there? Why can't they have a single bridge that doesn't go under the water?

9. In Texas, streams are a maximum of 10 feet wide. In Virginia, streams are a minimum of 100 feet wide and there's probably a minimum depth of 15 feet. Those are called rivers in Texas.

10. My family seems to be the source of weather extremes when we travel. Virginia had record setting temperatures at least 3 days while we were there.

All in all, it was a fun vacation.

Ale vs. Beer

2010-06-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

Big Daddy Awesome and I have taken the munchkins to Colonial Williamsburg for vacation this week. We are here with my mother and brothers so I will have plenty of stories from this vacation. This conversation happened last night at dinner.

Logan has just gotten his ginger ale from the waitress and I've gotten my beer.

Logan: I'm drinking a beer.

Me: No baby. You're drinking ginger ale.

Logan: Momma, ale is a kind of beer, so I'm drinking Ginger Beer.

Me, speechless. I'm not sure if I'm utterly impressed with the genius that is my child and the logic going on in his brain or really worried about the fact that my 5 year old knows this much about beer already.

Disclaimer: I regularly enjoy a glass of beer or wine in front of my children. I do not discuss said beverages with them.

The First Curse Word

2010-06-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with the munchkins, I was terrified that I might do something wrong. I wanted desperately to make sure they were smart and tall and healthy and had happy childhoods and became productive members of society and my list went on and on and on. I read book after book trying to make sure they became the best people they could be and I did the best I could for them. I was a little high strung at the time. That moment has passed.

Now, my list is shorter. At the end of the day, if the entire list can be answered affirmatively, it has been a good day.

1. Are the munchkins both still alive?
2. Do they still possess all of their limbs?
3. Do they still possess all of their digits?
4. Have we avoided a trip to the emergency room?

By the time the boys were about 18 months old, I had loosened up quite a bit from the time when I was reading all of the books and terrified I would screw up my children, but I would still play some classical music in my car when they were with me. Some book somewhere had proclaimed that classical music would foster brain growth, so I played classical music for them. Or rather, I played the one classical music CD I had because I liked it, which was Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker.

So on one of those days when I was driving the boys home from Ed's office, I was playing Tchaikovsky and thinking about how wonderful of a mother I was, helping with their brain development and all. They had just started talking. My thoughts about my fantastic mothering were interrupted by my sweet baby Logan talking in the background. I finally decided to listen to what he was saying. My sweet little baby was grabbing his feet and saying, "sonofabitch, sonofabitch, sonofabitch, sonofabitch." There was no malice in his tone. He was just trying the words on for size, letting them roll off his tongue.

The thought that went through my head was, Well, son of a bitch, where did he hear that?

The words that actually came out of my mouth were, Well, son of a bitch, OHHHH!

I laughed at myself and my baby. I told Big Daddy Awesome about the whole thing. We talked about cutting the curse words out of our vocabulary and realized that would be an exercise in futility for us.

Now, those words are called "Grown up words" and the munchkins make an effort not to say them in front of us. Hey, they're still alive with all of their limbs.

Stories in the car

2010-06-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

Warning! If you have a queasy stomach, or have never been in the presence of little boys, you may want to skip this story. You have been warned.

So my husband (who has given himself the name "Big Daddy Awesome" and will now be the name I use for him here) and I and the boys went on a little adventure today that involved being in the car for quite a while. On the trip back home, it was dark, so I told the munchkins they couldn't play their video games and they needed to go to sleep. They asked for books. I told them they couldn't read books because it was dark. They asked me to tell them a story. I told them no. (Do you see a trend here?) They turned on Big Daddy Awesome. Big Daddy Awesome told them to settle down because he had a great story for them.

*****

There once was a castle near here. The castle was ruled by Princess Louise. (Uncontrollable snickering and giggling start, the little demons.) And Princess Louise was known for her farting. (more giggling) That morning, Princess Louise had beans and rice for breakfast.

Princess Louise decided to go out among her subjects that day. It was custom for the subjects to bow as Princess Louise walked past them. This unfortunately put their noses right at the level of her toots! And her toots were so bad that the subjects would all say, "Good morning Princess Louise!" and then they would vomit because of the smell. (How bad did the farts smell Daddy?)

Well, her farts smelled like someone had vomited, then ate it, then pooped it out, ate it again, vomited it out, ate it again, and then farted!

Can you hear the giggling? It was uncontrollable!

But Princess Louise had a secret. At night, after all of her subjects were asleep, Princess Louise would go out into the streets and eat all of the vomit from her subjects had vomited earlier in the day, which had baked under the hot sun all day.

And did she die?

WHAT!?!?!

No, no, she didn't die from that.

Well, when is she going to die?

A few days later, Princess Louise had closed herself up in her bedroom, sated from all of the vomit she had eaten. She was farting and sniffing the farts to her hearts content. And, the power went out. The servants went through the castle lighting candles to provide light. A servant opened the door to Princess Louise's room and lit a match to light a candle. All of the methane and gas that had collected in the room all day exploded, scorching everything in a ten mile radius!

And then did she die?

Well, Princess was never seen or heard from again. But the residents of a town a few miles away tell of huge mushroom cloud in the sky, and then an absence of the odor from her farts, so she must be dead!

Uncontrollable giggling again!

******

Yes, I do realize the irony of including this kind of story in a cooking blog!

Spanish Tuna Empanadas

2010-06-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

For the party I had a couple of weeks ago, I made Spanish Tuna Empanadas. I found a similar recipe in Bon Appetit (which had an amazing set of articles a in May). I first liked the recipe because it called for the whole thing to be made with two sheets of puff pastry which is sliced after being cooked. (I like to be a lazy cook when I can.)

Spanish Tuna Empanadas

1 package of puff pastry

1 Tbsp Olive Oil
1/2 chopped onion
1/2 chopped bell pepper (I used a red bell pepper)
2 garlic cloves
2- 6 oz cans of tuna in olive oil
3 sliced hard boiled eggs
16 oz sliced proscuitto
1 egg

Set out the puff pastry to thaw.

Preheat the oven to 450 F.

Heat the olive oil in a skillet. Add the onion, bell pepper, and garlic and cook until softened. Put the mixture into a bowl. Drain the tuna and add to the bowl. Add the sliced hard boiled eggs. Gently combine.

Spray a cookie sheet with cooking spray or olive oil. Put one opened puff pastry and put it on the cookie sheet. Layer the proscuitto on the puff pastry, leaving a one inch border. Top with the tuna mixture. Crack the egg into a separate bowl for an egg wash. Brush the border of the puff pastry with the egg. Open the other puff pastry and cover the whole mixture. Fold up the bottom border of puff pastry over the top. Cover the top of the empanada with the egg wash. Cut slits in the top of the empanada to allow steam to escape.

Bake the empanada for 20-25 minutes.

Allow the empanada to cool and slice into 8-10 rectangles.

Can be served hot or at room temperature.

This would have been even better with a layer of manchengo cheese covering the tuna mixture.

2010-06-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

I walked the munchkins down to their grandparents house this morning while they rode their big wheels. I dropped them off and walked back. As I got onto my driveway, my shoe started scrapping the concrete as I walked. I thought it was a rock, so I tried to drag my shoe along the concrete to get the rock out and I couldn't get rid of it. So I finally looked at the bottom of my shoe and found that nail almost embedded entirely in my shoe! Thank God I had on my Clark's flip flops! The leather sole didn't even get punctured!

Family Road Trip, II

2010-06-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

I logged an incredible 1,000 miles behind the wheel of my Suburban this last weekend. Why? Because my Grandmother no longer drives. And my Mother finds herself unable to make it up to the speed limit and I cannot bear to have her drive me that crazy. And my brother (who is 20!!) is afraid of driving large vehicles.

All of that was ok though, because I find it hard to trust other people driving while the munchkins are in the back of the vehicle.

The panhandle of Texas made me realize that I really didn't know what it was like to live in a small, country town. The towns were a good 30-45 minutes apart. There was literally nothing between towns. In my neck of the woods, you can't go five minutes in the car without running into a gas station. I even mentioned this on the drive up to the panhandle!!

On Monday though, we left our hotel and I noticed the trip odometer was at 690 miles. I completely neglected to look at the gas gauge. I was ready to get home! The munchkins were tired. I was speeding down the highway, getting close to the halfway mark between our starting point and the next town. It was almost 40 miles between towns! And.....the low gas light came on. (Naturally.) Normally, I wouldn't have worried, because I would have about 35 miles that I could go, more than enough to the next town. The Suburban was full of 6 people and luggage for all of them!!

Would we make it all the way to the next gas station?

Would we run out of gas and have some mass murderer come up to offer one of us a ride to get gas?? (My mother was with us. This is a realistic scenario.)

I slowed down to 55 miles per hour.

A trucker ended up behind us, following closely. Was the mass murderer in the truck?

We went up and down hills. We passed county road after county road intersecting with the highway, all without a gas station or business of any kind in sight.

I drove for what felt like hours.

We passed cows and horses.

Finally...

finally...

we saw the gas station! All without running out of gas or meeting the mass murders that must have been lurking around, waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch up my mother.

We did make it home in one piece!

Family Road Trip

2010-05-31T19:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been on a road trip with my twins (Yay!), mother, grandmother, and brother. I understand this would not normally evoke feelings of terror or dread in most people, but then most of you have never traveled with my mother. I love her dearly, but something dramatically dangerous always happens. ALWAYS! She regularly has near death experiences while on vacation. I have been going on vacations with my mother for quite a few years now and, unfortunately, I can not report that these instances are not fabricated. She is just that accident prone.

This is a list of the top mom near death stories!

1. My mother and I went to Peurto Vallarta when I was 19 with my baby brother, then aged 8, and my friend S, aged 18. One of the days spent in Peurto Vallarta was not overly booked with excursions around the town and we simply swam at the beach. I am a decent swimmer, but this is not because of any advanced training, just native skill. I'm not bragging, I just may have had the most common sense out of our group. That is really not saying much. Trust me. I'm an airhead. Really. Really, really. So we were swimming at the beach and S and I hear my mother screaming for help because they had been caught by the current and were drowning. S and I swam out to my mother and brother. I grabbed my brother, told him to float, and hopped back up to the beach. I looked back, expecting to see my mother and S right behind me, and they had not moved one stinking inch! I swam back out to them and yelled, "What the fuck are you doing!?! Get up to the shore!!!" (I was 19. My cursing is much more advanced now. I was just a beginner then.) They began babbling about the current and not being able to move. I grabbed my mother's hand and lead her on a diagonal to the shore. She lived through that vacation and treated me and S to manicures and facials.

2. My mother and her older sister have a propensity for planning overly adventerous vacations. Never mind that they were both in their mid 50's at the time. Or that they were not in fantastic physical shape earned by vigorous physical exercise, or really, any regular exercise at all. So my mother and aunt planned a vacation so crazy that the two of them could not convince any of their combined four children to tag along on the trip. There was a train trip from Texas to San Francisco. (Which was reason enough for me to refuse the invitation.) There was a stay in a hostel. A bus trip with a bunch of hippies through the Yosemite mountains. The near death experience occurred during a hike through the Yosemites. Mom and auntie went on a hike with another member of the bus trip on a beginner course up into the Yosemite Mountains. This should seem simple enough. Follow the green course markers. Don't leave the trail. Don't give your sister ALL of you bottled water just because she's thirsty after drinking all of her own. Don't give your sister all of your toilet paper after she uses her own roll. Don't tell the other hiker to go on ahead and leave the two of you because you are just holding them back. Really. Neither of them can follow a map on hard paper and have gotten lost in their own major metropolitan cities. My aunt has gone three hours south when trying to visit my mother who lived to the north. These two women who lack any sense of direction at all told the only person with them to leave them. They, naturally, were unable to follow the directional signs for the trail and ended up headed into what they were told was an uncharted part of the Yosemite mountains. My mother by this point ended up dehydrated and having diarrhea, hence the importance of the bottled water and toilet paper. By some miracle, my mother and aunt were found by a couple of very experienced hikers who followed the trail based on a hunch and found two exhausted, dehydrated, and stinking women who needed every ounce of help they had to offer.

My mother told us this story as soon as she got home. She got every bit of the cussing she was expecting and more.

3. When I was 13, my mother, stepfather, and brothers, aged 11 and 2, went skiing in Colorado. I started out the trip aggravated with my mother because she was not putting my 2 year old brother in ski lessons. Olympic skiiers start learning how to ski at age 2. Why couldn't my brother? (The Olympics must have been on, or I don't think I would have possessed this tidbit of knowledge.) So, my 2 year old brother and my mother spent 6 of the 7 days when everyone else went skiing just playing in the snow. (Now that I have children who do not live in mountainous states, I can understand her reasoning, but don't tell her that.) My stepfather watched my baby brother play in the snow one day so that my mother could ski. Before you think my (former) stepfather overly cruel and overbearing, this day was probably day 3 or 4 of the trip. My mother managed to take the beginners course in the morning and ski the bunny slope 2 or 3 times before she had her fall. According to her story, it was really more of a tipping over. She decided the fall hurt enough that she began to scoot down the mountain slope. The snow patrol drove by and picked her up, delivering her to the bottom of the slope on the back of a snow mobile. Mom's nerves were understandably frazzled after the fall, so she refused to try her hand at skiing again, choosing instead to spend the rest of the vacation playing in the snow with my brother.

Fast forward 10 years. Mom has said for years that she has arthritis in her hip. She has a bone scan to check for osteoporosis. Lo and behold, she had a healed fracture in the hip she fell on while skiing.

Not really a death defying story, this one just illustrates my mothers bad luck.

4. My mother and her older sister (you might notice a trend here) went on a road trip to the most haunted hotel in Arkansas. I was (and am) married, so I decided not to go on the trip. My two brothers, probably aged 24 and 15, along with my cousin B, aged 19 or 20, agreed to go on the trip because it sounded fun, but with the stipulation that they could take their own vehicle and not wait for their mothers. My mother and aunt are infamous for their inability to get within 20 miles of the posted speed limit. This is understandably annoying to teenagers and twenty-somethings. So off the brothers and B went, leaving my mother and aunt to slowly make their way into the mountains of Arkansas. (I really just liked the way that sounded. I have no idea where in Arkansas this hotel is located.) My aunt announced somewhere along a mountain pass that she had to go to the restroom. Immediately. Right then. My mother stopped the car. It was a fairly open stretch of highway. They left the car door open to shield my aunt's face from oncoming traffic. My mother, caring soul that she is, turned her back on my aunt and opened her jacket to shield any unsuspecting passers-by from the sight of my aunt's ass. My mother was expecting my aunt to urinate. Who wouldn't announce voiding intentions other that urinating to the sweet person shielding their most private function? My mother was shocked when she got sprayed with diarrhea all over the back of her legs. Her car got sprayed too. My aunt's response: "Oops!"

Just a side note, if I ever am on a road trip with you and you spray the backs of my legs with diarrhea, I will leave you where you stand.

This was more a death from embarrassment story, but belonged with the mother stories.

5. When I was 12, my mother and I went to Big Bend National Park with my 10 year old brother, my older aunt, and my 6 year old cousin, B. Big Bend National Park is in one of the southern most points of the state of Texas, right across the border from Mexico. We all went on a horseback riding adventure, lead by several park rangers. The horseback trip was uneventful enough, at least when it comes to my mother and aunt and their adventures being uneventful. My mother and brother and I had had our fill of my aunt and cousin, so we did as had been reccommended and walked along the trail that went out towards the west from the hotel. I remember it being west because the sun was in our eyes that evening and the glow of the sun across the desert plants. The train was winding. We walked as far as we thought we could and still get back to the hotel with enough daylight to see any snakes or spiders that might be lurking about. Naturally, we misjudged the distance and were rushing to get back to camp with the sun dipping below the horizon. At one point in the winding trail, there was a short cut that skipped a curve and all you had to do was jump down off of a rock. I remember the drop being about two feet. My mother remembers it being four feet. My brother and I made the jump without any problem. My brother demanded my reluctant mother attempt the jump. She attempted. She failed miserably. Mom jumped, rolled, cut her knee, and found herself rolling in horse manure. Her cut knee was caked in horse manure and we had a good 30-45 minute walk back to camp with her limping all the way.

Because nothing just happens to mom without something dire also happening, mom and her manure caked knee turned into Mom with a raging infection requiring antibiotics to heal the knee. She didn't almost die, but what if there had been a snake or tarantula underneath that rock?

Blackberry Blaster

2010-05-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

I finally got the opportunity to make a delicious adult beverage and forgotto take a picture of the drink just for this blog. Oops!

So here are some of my friends with a drink in hand.

The drink is delicious! The drink starts with Blackberry Lime syrup. Then add as much rum as you'd like and top off with ginger ale.

Blackberry Lime Syrup lineup:

4 cups blackberrys
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup lime juice

Cook the blackberries and lime juice over medium heat about 10 minutes, until all of the berries burst. Strain the seeds out of the syrup. Add the lime juice.

I froze the syrup until I needed the syrup for the drinks.

Do not let munchkins know that you've made the syrup because they will call it popsicles and eat it before you've had a chance to chill out with your girlfriends!

Enjoy!

Annabelle

2010-05-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is Annabelle. I picked out Annabelle when she was a tiny, rolly-polly puppy. That dirty, rotten, no-good female dog immediately took up with my husband. She acts like he hung the moon. She acts like I am her arch nemesis. Never mind that I am the one that feeds her.

But that's ok, because I think my husband is kind of special too.

Annabelle now has a longer name. She developed glaucoma in one eye and lost her vision in that eye. The boys were understandably upset by her bulging eye. She is now Annabelle the One Eyed Pirate Bulldog.

More on her adventures to come.

Fish Sticks

2010-05-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, I had dinner at a restaurant in Dallas with my Mom and Aunt. We had an off-menu swordfish dish. It was amazing. It melted on my tongue. It didn't have that disgusting fishy taste. I was intrigued. And then my grocery store started carrying frozen swordfish which looked like it had been flash frozen while still on the boat.

I tried to recreate that fantastic swordfish at home.

And failed miserably.

And I had another swordfish filet that was thawed and really needed to be cooked.

Enter munchkins.

I have discovered that Trip will try any food I put in front of him for money.

I figured if I made the preparation simple, Trip would easily (and cheaply) take the bait to try this new fish.

I offered Logan the same deal, but there was no bribing that rotten, little munchkin.

The lineup:

Swordfish filet, sliced into strips
flour
Lawry's seasoned salt
pepper
Olive oil

On a plate, gently mix approximately 1/2 cup of flour, 1 tsp of Lawry's seasoned salt and 1/2 tsp of pepper. Dredge the swordfish sticks in the flour mixture, evely coating all sides.

In a skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat until hot. Fry the fish sticks about 1 minute on each side, until browned, making sure not to overcook.

Drain on a paper towel. Serve with tartar sauce or whatever condiment your little munchkin likes. Mine ate his plain.

Trip first took the tiniest bites possible of the fish stick. Then I announced that it was bedtime. Trip put his foot down, made demands. He refused to go to bed until he finished his fishstick!

Mulligan

2010-05-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

When I met my husband, his family had a few very well developed recipes. One of those recipes is Mulligan. Wikipedia defines mulligan stew as "an Irish stew, that typically includes meat, potatoes, vegetables, and whatever else can be begged, scavenged, found or stolen." Said stew was also typically cooked in a pot over a fire. The Mulligan cooked by my sweet husband and his parents had evolved a great deal in their family. No longer are any of the ingredients stolen or foraged. Although I do frequently have to beg for an onion or bell pepper from my mother in law!

My sweet husband looks like this when I tell him I'm making Mulligan! Which is reason enough to make Mulligan.

This munchkin smiles for any reason at all! He ate sixteen bites and twenty crackers. Silly munchkin!

The lineup:

1 onion
1 bell pepper
2 cloves of garlic
1-2 TBSP olive oil
1 - 1 1/2 lbs ground beef
1/4 - 1/2 cup of Worchestershire sauce
2 cans of English peas
2 cans of corn
2 cans of Rotel tomatoes
8 oz of cheddar cheese, grated
saltine crackers

Dice the onion and bell pepper. Heat the olive oil in a stock pot and cook the onion, garlic, and bell peppers until golden and soft.

Meanwhile, cook the hamburger meat over medium heat until browned through. Drain off the fat from the hamburger meat. Pour the worchestershire sauce over the meat, cover, and cook for about 5 minutes, until onions and bell peppers are softened.

Pour the seasoned meat over the onion/bell pepper mixture. Open all of the cans of vegetables and pour into the stock pot without draining the liquid off of them.

Put the lid on the pot and leave on medium heat for about 15-20 minutes to allow the flavors to meld.

Stir and the scoop into bowls. Add cheddar cheese. Scoop with the saltine crackers and forego using a spoon!

Fighting demons

2010-05-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

My sweet little angels have been fighting for no reason at all since they were in the womb. (Ok, maybe Trip did have a reason in the womb. Logan was taking up all of the good space.) Fighting outside of the womb started when they were about 18 months old. There was usually some sort of provocation though.

Last night though, Logan was sweetly playing a video game on the couch and Trip walked up and punched him for no reason. Trip then looked at me and smiled and punched Logan again! Logan looked up, an aggravated expression on his face and then went back to his game. Trip probably hit Logan four or five more times before Logan ever got into the whole "fighting with my brother" game.

The demons then proceded to have a punching extravaganza right in my living room! I would have stopped them, but the monsters were laughing the whole time!

I have heard that if you let kids fight when they are younger, they will quit fighting when the punches start to hurt. I've also heard that twin boys will get into numerous fist fights for their entire childhoods, possibly part of their adulthoods. I think I'm in trouble.

Baseball and Wild Dogs

2010-04-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, we took the munchkins to the Texas Rangers baseball game. We had an AMAZING time! It was the first time we made it through the whole game. Logan watched part of the game. Trip flirted with the two girls sitting behind us AND their mother AND the girl sitting halfway down the aisle! The boy is a ladies man, what can I say? We had hotdogs and nachoes and ballpark beer. The boys had ice cream sundaes. The Rangers tried to give up their lead in the ninth inning, but they finally pulled out the win by one run.

Then we drove home. It's a long drive and the boys fell asleep, as little boys often do. We finally got home. Ed went to the door and put something in the house. I was trying to get the boys to wake up and put on their shoes and walk into the house. They're heavy! You would make them walk too!

And then....

It was straight out of a horror story!!

Ed starts yelling at me that there's a wild dog in the road and to get the boys in the house! My arms are already full with all of the baggage from the car. I grab Logan (who, Oh My God!, weighs in at 50 lbs!!!) and sprint to the door.

AND ED HAS LOCKED THE BLASTED DOOR!!!!!!!

I fumble through my purse, trying desperately to find my keys. Everything in my purse ends up on the steps to the door. I finally found the keys, opened the door, and threw Logan in the house. I turned and threw Trip in the house.

.....

And there was no wild dog in sight.

And our dogs were in the back yard and calm.

But I felt like I was in a Hollywood horror movie!!!

Movie Stars, Scene 1

2010-04-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

There was a very funny story about my adventures in nursing on this page. I felt it was not appropriate for this blog. I have started another blog highlighting my time as a nurse. If you would like the web address to that blog, leave a message and I will send it to you.

Orange Julius

2010-04-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, I was talking to my hairdresser about homemade popsicles and desserts. He said his mom had been a bit of a hippie, and with him being the oldest child, she made the ultra healthy, homemade desserts that are reserved for the oldest child. The oldest child is really a guinea pig. You try out all of your ideas on him/her. By the time the last child rolls around, they get the full sugar popsicles from the grocery store because there are however many other people in the house to feed also. Or at least that's what I've been told. It's a different ballgame with twins. I've been hanging on for dear life! I'm finally starting to get comfortable with the fact that I have twins and I may survive the experience. Yes, as a matter of fact, they are five years old now! God help me through their teenage years!

Back to my topic! My hairdresser said his mother used to make him a dessert out of orange juice concentrate and plain yogurt. He said the frozen orange juice concentrate made little balls of flavor in the dessert. I didn't think about that dish until I ran across a recipe for an Orange Julius in this months edition of the Food Network Magazine. (I haven't figured out how to provide a link yet, but it's out there on the interweb.)

To make the Orange Julius, put 6 oz of frozen orange juice concentrate, 1 cup of milk (I used skim milk), 1/4 cup of powdered sugar, 1/4 cup of regular sugar, and 1 tsp of vanilla in a blender and then fill with ice. Blend to desired consistency.

Having never had an Orange Julius, it was an interesting taste. The husband enjoyed it. The blue eyed munchkin loved it, but I can count on him loving anything sweet.

So there I was in my kitchen, with half of a can of frozen orange juice concentrate. I thought of my hairdresser. I thought of the plain yogurt in my refrigerator. I added equal amounts of each into a bowl. It came out very smooth and a bit bitter. I was surprised the orange juice concentrate didn't make the yogurt sweeter. I thought about the powdered sugar I still had sitting out on my counter. 6 oz orange juice concentrate, 3/4 cup of plain yogurt, 1/2 cup of powdered sugar, mix. The powdered sugar formed little balls of intensely sweet flavor in the dish. I think the Hippie Momma may have been trying to make an Orange Julius.

(Yes, I did threaten Blondie with bodily injury and poisoning and almost certain death if he didn't try the Orange Thing! He did survive the encounter.)

That all left me with too much orangy sweetness in my kitchen. It was good, just too much. I do, however, know what to do with leftover sweet things. I put the leftovers into my popsicle molds.

Peonies

2010-04-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting for weeks for my peonies to break through the ground and finally bloom. I literally checked the spot in the yard where I thought the peony plant would come up every day for two weeks before realizing I was walking on the new plant.

Then the buds of the first flowers showed up. I waited and waited. How long does it take these freaking things to open?!?! And then I worked a couple of days at the hospital and this morning, I saw this:

Then, I wasn't able to stand it any longer. I cut those beautiful flowers and brought them inside. I'd forgotten how fragrant peonies are. My house smells AMAZING!!! Now before you become too impressed with me, I did not plant these flowers. I have simply managed to not kill them. Which, really, is very impressive for me.

Munchkins

2010-04-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

I finally got my camera battery charged and bought a new disc for the camera. Apparently, when you have a camera that's older than dirt (which really doesn't make it all that old), you have to buy a disc that is made for the older cameras. Two trips to Best Buy later, I can finally take pictures. The munchkins were not cooperative. But I love them anyway.

Ketchup!

2010-04-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

I would like to say that I never feed my children any food with high fructose corn syrup or pre-packaged food, but that would be an absolute lie. I would also like to claim that I don't regularly allow my munchkins to eat store bought chicken nuggets with store bought ketchup, but that would also be a lie. There are even days when they eat chicken nuggets and ketchup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. What can I say? Twelve hours is a long time to work.

Logan regularly asks me what things are made of, chickens, cupcakes, cows, goldfish. I answer him to the best of my ability, as any loving mother would, but sometimes, he gets to a beginning substance. What is chicken made out of? He's gotten to the beginning of the list. My answer for that kind of question is: carbon and hydrogen. He has finally began to accept that answer. He asked me recently what ketchup was made of. Having read the ingredient list on a few ketchup bottles, I could honestly tell him tomatoes and vinegar. That sweet little question and his beautiful, questioning blue eyes got me to thinking about ketchup and how much better it could be. I began to experiment. The most interesting concoction I created was ketchup using balsamic vinegar.

Ingredients:

1 - 6 oz can of Tomato paste
3-4 Tbsp Balsamic vinegar
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp Lawry's seasoned salt
1/2 tsp black pepper

Combine the tomato paste and spices in a small bowl. Add in the vinegar 1 Tbsp at a time, adding more until you get the consistency you want.

Enjoy!

Pina Colada Popsicles

2010-04-03T22:30:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, living with twin boys means there will be a meltdown at my house by one boy or the other. There will be tears and yelling or screaming, possibly a brother being hit. They're boys, hits happen. If the boys happen to stay up for any length of time after their normal bedtime, at least one of these meltdowns will occur and there will be especially dramatic screaming and crying. One such meltdown occurred just the other night.

It was just me and the boys at home, so I let them stay up late to finish watching a movie. Logan decided he needed a popsicle about halfway through the movie, so he brought me one that was in the freezer.

"You know these are Daddy's popsicles, right?"

"Yes, Momma."

The dirty rascal knows I'm sucker for being called Momma. His twang helps his cause. He bats his eyelashes at me and knows I'm going to let him have it.

That part of the evening was uneventful. Then the movie ended. Then my little demon Trip decided that he could not go to sleep without a popsicle.

Please Momma!

Ok, fine. But you have to take actual bites out of it, not just licks.

He looks at me and bats his eyelashes and knows he can do whatever he wants.

Then the meltdown happened. Logan wanted another popsicle. As lenient as I can be with their diet, I do limit their sweets, and as this particular delicacy has 400 calories per serving, I was not going to budge.

Tears ensued. My poor little boy sat down behind the far side of the couch and threw a fit. Screaming, begging, pleading for just one more popsicle. Unfortunately for Logan, he tickled my funny bone. I started laughing and could not stop. I was doubled over, clutching my sides, laughing with tears streaming down my face at my poor boys plight. This made Logie scream more. He could not understand why his momma was laughing at him. The poor boy. Momma is an ICU nurse and that comes with a sick sense of humor.

I did finally scoop him up and take him upstairs to bed, promising him more popsicles the next day.

The lineup:

One can cream of coconut (I think it's an 8 oz can, found with the adult beverage mixes)
Two 6 oz cans pineapple juice.

The cream of coconut will be separated when you open the can. Empty the cream of coconut into a measuring glass, scraping all of the delectable coconut out of the can. Microwave for about 20 seconds to melt the milky goodness. Stir to incorporate. Add in the pineapple juice and stir well. Pour into popsicle molds and freeze for at least 8 hours. If you try to take these out of the molds early, the sticks will slide out and you'll be scooping the popsicle out with a spoon.

Enjoy!

Iced Tea

2010-04-03T21:48:00.000-07:00

Being from the South, I grew up drinking sweet iced tea. After I got married and moved out of my mother's house, I tried many different times to brew iced tea and never could figure out what I did wrong because it just didn't taste right. I finally broke down and asked my mother what she had done to her tea, at which point, she looked at me like I was crazy for not ever realizing what she had done to the tea when I was growing up. She added in a bag of Constant Comment tea, or some other flavored tea, to the regular black tea. Simple, but it transforms the tea into a delight for the tongue.

The lineup:

One family sized bag of black tea, such as Lipton or Luzianne
One bag of Constant Comment tea
1/2 - 1 cup of sugar, or
Sweet N Low or other artificial sweetener, too taste
water

Fill a 3 quart pan with water until it's almost full. Set over a burner on the stove set to high and bring to a rolling boil. Turn off the burner and put the tea bags in the water. Let the tea steep for at least 15-20 minutes.

If you're going to make iced tea sweetened with sugar, put 1/2 - 1 cup of sugar into a pitcher. It's better to go with too much sugar for iced tea, because once the tea cools, the sugar won't dissolve. If the tea is really dark, I add in some tap water because munchkins at my house won't drink tea if it's too strong. Add in ice until the pitcher is full and serve immediately or chill in the refrigerator until needed.

If you're going to use an artificial sweetener, fill the pitcher with ice, add in a few packets of the sweetener and pour the hot tea over the ice. Add in a little water if the tea still looks a litte dark.

Garlic Chicken

2010-03-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

When I married Ed, I knew nothing about cooking. Absolutely NOTHING!! The very first thing I cooked well was a chicken breast recipe I got from the internet. I may have cooked this dish three nights a week for the first couple of years that Ed and I were married. Ed may have insisted that I never cook ths dish again, for the rest of his life. But Ed is rehearsing for a play in our community theater right now, and our munchkins have given me no such proclamation. So, I can cook one of my old favorites! It's super easy and always yummy!

The lineup:

4 chicken breasts, trimmed of skin and fat
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup parmesan cheese (like Kraft)
1/2 cup olive oil
2 garlic cloves

Preheat your oven to 425F.

Mince the garlic and put it in a bowl with the olive oil. Microwave the olive oil/garlic mixture for 30 seconds. In a second bowl, combine the bread crumbs and parmesan cheese. Plain bread crumbs in a jar will work just fine.

Dip the chicken in the olive oil coating both sides. Then dredge the chicken breasts through the bread crumb mixture, coating both sides of the chicken well. Place the chicken breasts in a glass dish and bake for 35 minutes.

This dish is easily multiplied or divided. And munchkins love this because it's basically chicken nuggets in a bigger form. Enjoy!

It moved!

2010-03-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

Nurses are a superstitious lot and, having been a nurse for the last 9 years, I've heard alot of folklore. Nurses who have been nurses for a long time always have a story about a haunting at some hospital where had worked years ago and everyone listening always plays lip service, never questioning the veracity of the story teller. Until last week, nothing paranormal had ever happened to me.

The intensive care unit where I work is fairly large and open. All of the rooms can be seen from the nurses station. There had been a fairly traumatic and emotional death the night before, but being a fairly busy ICU, the bed got filled by another patient the next day. The new patient had a visitor who was a nun, which would not have been notable except that we almost never saw a nun visiting a patient. I don't think there are any nuns associated with the Catholic church in town.

And then it happened...

The bed started moving on it's own!! I actually witnessed this with my own eyes!! The nurse would put the bed flat and then, the bed would move back into an upright position. And then, even weirder, the bed did this all day long, BUT ONLY WHEN THE NUN WAS IN THE ROOM!!!!

And as for my reaction at the time.... I stayed near my patient's rooms, on the other side of the unit!

Science Experiments

2010-03-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't been cooking alot of food in the kitchen lately, but we have been doing science experiments in the kitchen. Lots of science experiments!! The boys attend a Montessori school and have been the "scientists of the week". I've discovered that boys can be fantastically smelly and slimy and gross!! We did a science experiment out of the book sent home with Trip for the first one. We dissolved egg shells in vinegar! It was AMAZING!!! I'm a nurse, so I took a few science classes in college, and generally enjoy smelly and slimy things. To keep Trip interested, we covered an egg in vinegar every day for five days until it was time for him to show his experiment to his class.

The egg and vinegar experiment was nice because we saw immediate results and then the vinegar kept working on the egg for several days. The vinegar almost immediately makes small bubbles on the egg shell. About twelve hours later, there are larger bubbles on the egg. We put lids on the jars of eggs and vinegar, so after a couple of days when we opened them, the built up carbon dioxide from the chemical reaction caused the lid to have a small pop as the lid was unscrewed. After three days, we noticed the eggs had expanded to the diameter of the jar. (We used canning jars.) When we finally did the presentation in class, we opened the oldest jar and had the lovely aroma of vinegar waft into our noses! Neither Trip nor Logan ever complained about the smell. We drained off the vinegar and had an egg with just the soft membrane encapsulating it! It was wonderfully jiggly! Trip touched it first. I love how brave he is! We passed the egg around and, being a class of 4, 5, and 6 year olds, the membrane was broken from all of the jiggling that had to be done to the egg. Fortunately, we had 8 more!

Because of the success of the egg and vinegar experiment, I decided the boys were ready to start doing science experiments more often. They're 5. Sounds reasonable to me. They should always enjoy the slimy, stinky experients, right? So I bought 3 kids science experiment books.

The books arrived and I was unbelievably excited! I told the boys about the science books. The only thing they wanted to do was make was a volcano! Boring! Everyone does that! I wanted to blow stuff up! So I read the books and found a few easy ones I wanted to do and got no excitement out of the munchkins at all.

Then, it was Logan's turn to be Scientist of the Week. We had a week to prepare, and I worked 5 of those days. Twelve hour, come home exhausted shifts at the hospital. No experiment planning got done. The night before the presentation was due, we experimented at the kitchen sink, trying to find a suitable experiment for Logan's classroom presentation.

First, we added a tablespoon of salt to 1 cup of soda. The soda fizzes up really quickly and there's a nifty explanation that goes along with the experiment, but for a whole presentation, it was kind of boring. I decided to find the "Turning Milk into Rocks" experiment that was in one of our new books. 1 1/2 cups of milk and 4 tsps of white vinegar, microwaved for a minute and my slimy and stinky expectations were met! The boys got one wiff of what was now warm and separated buttermilk and they started heading out of the kitchen! Ewww, gross! and That stinks Momma! were what I heard, not the giggles I expected. I trudged on anyway. I poured the mixture through a colander and separated out the milk curd. It was slimy and nasty! Logan would not touch it. Trip stuck in a finger and then wouldn't go any further. I picked up the whole mess in my hand and squeezed out the rest of the water! Logan assured me there was no microwave at school and that experiment was not a possibility for his presentation.

We settled on one called "Erupting colors". We used cooking oil in a small measuring cup, added in 4 drops each of red, green, and blue food coloring and mixed well. Then we added it to a large bowl of water and watched the colors not mix and then slowly dissipate out of the oil and into the water. It was kind of lame, but that was the experiment we did for Logan's class. Logie got excited with all of his friends and added in too many drops and stirred the oil in the water, so the colors dissipated out of the oil too fast. He ended up doing the experiment twice so all of the kids could see up close what he had done.

My inner child scientist was not appeased. I still wanted to see something explode! So today, we did an experiment called the "Cola Geyser". This one, I'm told, is on youtube. You take a 2 liter of a soda pop. The book said diet sodas work better, but the cheapest store brand of soda did not offer diet today, so we used full octane soda. You add a whole package of mentos to the soda pop and there is supposed to be an explosion. We didn't get the whole package of mentos in before it started working. It was a pretty good explosion. At any rate, my inner child scientist is appeased for a few weeks. It's now time to torture some unsuspecting herbs and vegetables!

Raspberry Popsicles

2010-03-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

Now I realize that this recipe will be almost exactly like the blueberry popsicles, but I did have to experiment a bit fot this one. I figured the lime juice was the catalyst to that flavor pop for all fruit. I was wrong. Raspberries and lime juice are gross. The flavor is just wrong. The perfect flavor booster for raspberries is pineapple juice! It takes more raspberries for this recipe than blueberries because the raspberries don't have quite as much juice per berry. It's a scientific fact.

Try it and see. The only thing I might need help with is the adult beverage that might be made with this.

The lineup:

5 cups raspberries
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup pineapple juice

Put the raspberries and sugar in a saucepan an bring to a boil. Boil over medium heat for 8-10 minutes. Make sure all of the raspberries have burst and the sugar has turned into a syrup. Strain through a fine mesh strainer into a glass bowl. Add the pineapple juice. Pour into popsicle molds and freeze!

Blueberry popsicles

2010-03-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

I got the original blueberry popsicle recipe from Gourmet magazine a couple of years ago. The recipe include pints or quarts and I don't really remember some of the details. The one I'm going to show you is a bit more specific, but the flavor is the same. Think back on the popsicles you had when you were a kid. They were decadent and the flavors popped. Now think about the popsicles you may have shared with your children. They are bland, watered-down, almost flavorless. Try these once and you will never want your children to eat store-bought popsicles again.

The lineup:

4 cups blueberries
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup lime juice

Really. That's it.

Put the blueberries and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat. Boil for about 8-10 minutes. The blueberries will burst when they are done. You want to make sure all of the blueberries have burst and all of the sugar has turned into sugar. Remove from heat and strain into a glass bowl. Mash on the berries to get out all of the juice. The skin from the blueberries is trash, so get out all the juice you can. The blueberry syrup will yield approximately 2 cups of liquid. Add the lime juice to the berry syrup. Pour into popsicle molds or ice cube trays. Really. That's all there is to it. Freeze them for at least 4 hours.

Your children will proclaim you the best cook in the world.

Now take the blueberry pops you put in the ice cube trays and put one in an old fashioned glass. Let it melt a bit. Pour in about 1/4 cup (1 jigger, I think) of rum or vodka. Maybe coconut rum. Then top off with ginger ale.

I haven't tried the adult beverage yet, but I'm dying too. It just hasn't been warm enough yet to have a party.

And yes, I do realize the hypocrisy of that statement. My kids love popsicles when it's 20 degrees out, but I'm not willing to have a few friends over for adult beverages because it's too cold. Maybe I should start planning that party...

Slumgulion

2010-02-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

One of the first dishes I ate with Ed and his parents was slumgulion. Slumgulion is actually defined as a stew with meat and potatoes. Ed's grandfather originally came up with the dish in the 1940's using things he just happened to have in the pantry. The dish morphed over the years into a very specific dish that I now cook for Ed and the boys at least once a month. My mother-in-law and I both use this dish as a standby for company.

Ingredients

1 1/2 lb ground sirloin
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
1 green bell pepper, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, or 2 tsp minced garlic
3 Tbsp chili powder
1 cup red wine
salt
pepper
2 cans pinto beans with jalapenos
2 cans diced tomatoes
1 can rotel tomatoes with chilis

Brown the ground sirloin, adding the chili powder while the meat is still pink. This sounds like an insanely huge amount of chili powder, but it is necessary to get the right flavor for the dish.

Meanwhile, add the olive oil to a dutch oven over medium heat. Add the garlic, onion, and green peppers and cook until soft. Add in the ground meat and the red wine. I usually use whatever kind of red wine I have in my kitchen. Merlot or Shiraz work well, but really, whatever you have will be delicious. When I first learned how to make this dish, it was made with a "punch" of salt (roughly a tablespoon). I don't think the dish needs that much salt, so I use about a teaspoon. You can always add more salt later if you think the dish needs it. Let this simmer for about 5 minutes while you open all of the cans.

Drain the juice off of the beans only. Add in the contents of all of the cans. Stir to combine and put the lid on the pot and cook at medium heat for 10-15 minutes. Turn the heat down to low after the slumgulion has come to a good boil and stir again. Serve with cheese and crackers.

We frequently use sharp cheddar sliced or grated with whole wheat saltine-type crackers.

This dish easily serves 8, or 4 with plenty left over for another meal.

This is an easy way to sneak in alot of vegetables to unsuspecting munchkins. Mine love it!

Mexican Pizza

2010-02-28T08:57:00.000-08:00

My mother and I went out to eat with the boys a few weeks ago and tried out a Mexican food chain restaurant. I wasn't familiar with this restaurant and the munchkins are reading now, so when they saw "Mexican Pizza" on the menu, they got really excited and there was no changing their minds about their upcoming culinary experience. I'm sure they thought they were going to get some tremendous concoction. Since we were planning on seeing a movie in a very short amount of time, Mom and I decided to have the beef nachos. I was, of course, shocked when the food came out. I had asked what the Mexican pizza was because I couldn't quite picture it in my head and had not been told that it was just the beef nachos which were not cut in half! So we basically all had the same thing on our plate. Trip, being a more particular eater, took one bite, decided he hated the "pizzas" and only ate his beans. Logan, who I am convinced does not possess a single taste bud on his little tongue after this experience, ate his "pizza" and Trip's too. This arrangement works out for them because each boy usually gets his fill of whatever he likes by the amount of food on the two plates. I would not have known how awful this dish was, but I was eating the EXACT SAME THING. Yuck! I would have sent it back and asked for something entirely different, but we had a movie to see. The beef nachos/mexican pizzas were fine in theory, but completely lacking in taste. I came up with a significantly better recipe at the table and here it is!

Ingredients

Flour tortillas
1 - 1 1/2 lb ground sirloin (hamburger meat)
1-2 packets of taco seasoning
canned enchilada sauce
fresh cilantro
queso fresco (this is a soft Mexican cheese)
shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat your oven to 400. Put 6 flour tortillas on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, prick the tortillas with a fork, and bake for 5 minutes.

While the tortillas are baking, brown a pound of hamburger meat and add the taco seasoning and water as per the directions on the package.

In a separate pan, heat up a can of enchilada sauce.

Chop up some fresh cilantro and crumble the queso fresco.

Take the torillas out of the oven, spread a spoonful of the enchilada sauce on top. Top with a few leaves of the cilantro. Sprinkle 1/8 to 1/4 cup of the taco meat on top. Sprinkle on queso fresco for the more adventerous eaters or grated cheddar cheese for the picky eaters.

Put the pizzas back in the oven for 2-3 minutes to melt the cheese.

There will be very happy children in my house tonight!

Chicken Sahara

2010-02-27T20:13:00.000-08:00

I was clueless in the kitchen when I married my husband. The first dish I tackled was chicken. I called my mother to ask her how long to cook the chicken. She gave me the time and temperature for roasting a whole chicken. I smothered those poor chicken breasts in the gray gelatinous blob that is cream of mushroom soup. The logic behind the cream of blob soup was based on my mother-in-law telling me that if you covered meat in a sauce, it won't dry out. My in-laws came over for this momentous occasion. A full hour later, I pulled the shriveled chicken breasts out of the oven and found dried-up bags of sand. It was awful. My father-in-law promptly named the dish "Chicken Sahara" and every time since then that I've cooked chicken, it has jokingly been called Chicken Sahara.

After lots of practicing and reading lots of cookbooks, I finally learned how to cook a few things. Roasted chicken is a wonderfully simple dish once you know a few basic things about it. This is my go-to recipe for chicken breasts that will be used in another dish, such as a salad. When serving chicken breasts as the main course, I prefer more a more flavorful dish.

Ingredients

Chicken breasts
Olive oil
Lawry's salt and black pepper or
Mrs. Dash seasoning or
spices of your choice

For however many chicken breasts you are going to cook, the basic instructions are the same. Preheat the oven to 425. Trim the fat and skin off of the chicken breasts. Drizzle about 1 teaspoon of olive oil in the baking dish for each chicken breast. Season the chicken breasts with Lawry's salt and black pepper, or with Mrs. Dash, or lemon pepper, or whatever in your pantry looks appealing. Season the chicken on both sides and then place in the baking dish over a teaspoon of olive oil. Put it in the oven and bake for 35 minutes. Turn on the oven light and look through the oven door after about 25 minutes, pretending that you can tell how done the chicken is by looking at it.

Some things I've learned about this very easy dish over the years:
1. If you forget the olive oil, it won't matter. Store bought chicken breasts are pumped full with enough water that the chicken breasts won't stick to the bottom of the dish.
2. If you forget to season the chicken, it had better go into a dish that has alot of flavor, because unseasoned chicken is very, very bland.
3. You can use butter as the fat for cooking the dish, but it really doesn't add much to the chicken.

Enjoy!